Not sure what to think. Wife has Metastatic bone cancer

My lovely gorgeous wife, who I married in September, was diagnosed with breast cancer (2 types in her right breast) a month after we got married. She had breast cancer and reconstruction in her left breast 11 years ago (long before I knew her). She had a full mastectomy and reconstruction in December plus lymph node removal as a precaution. No radiation or Chemotherapy required (both were required with her left breast). We were over the moon as was the breast care team.

But then things started to go wrong. 

Anne just was not well. Very tired. Temperatures and violent shivers. The worst coughing fits I've ever heard (probably caused by a rescue cat that we took on; although who ultimately prompted the full diagnosis). 

Anne had various x-rays, CT scans, MRIs, full body scans. As a result she was diagnosed with metastatic bone cancer. Even more alarmingly this has seemed to spread very quickly. Firstly we were told it was in her spine, then her ribs, her pelvis and her femurs. On Monday a doctor told us it was "everywhere". The breast care team and oncology have been very proactive; Orthopedics have been frustratingly (I would suggest bordering on negligently) slow as it doesn't seem they're bothered about the cancer. It's been suggested she might need hip replacements, and even femur strengthening or replacement.

I had to call an ambulance for Anne on Monday as she has a high temperature and was delirious. The paramedics measured her temperature at 39.5 degrees. She was admitted immediately.

It transpires Anne now has sepsis and they're trying to control her temperature and use antibiotics to fight the infection (apparently a rare Group B streptococcal infection).

We're very close and talk just about everything. However, I'm trying to stay strong for her, but find when by myself I am a quivering wreck. I'm so scared that I might loose Anne. If she survives for a number of years it's going to have a massive impact on our lives (which doesn't particularly worry me), but I find I simply can't switch from caring for Anne to trying to earn money. I'm self-employed as a business development manager (sales), but simply can not switch mind sets. Money is tight to say the least.

To further compound things, we live in an old canal workers cottage with very steep and narrow stairs; its just simply not going to work going forward.

I guess I'm writing this mainly to offload. But any constructive ideas would be much appreciated.

Dan

  • Hello Dan

    I glad you are finding this a safe and supportive space im sure all of us can relate to the cant say the right thing

    It is so hard to be present all the time and carry your own swinging feelings emotions etc 

    You are Annes safe person when she can let herself be cross grumpy tearful rather than the smiling patient she portrays for others.

    A couple of things have you spoken to anyone other than here about your feelings all are natural by the way the helpline here is good as is Macmillian which are open every day 8am -8pm

    Has Anne seen the hospital psychologist or counsellor might be helpful to ask if not 

    You might be surprised what the OT can suggest its not unheard of to have a bed downstairs and a visiting bathing service ( post code dependant ) 

    Either way its good to have them come out and find out what options are available to provide care for Anne going forward.

    mostly spouse to spouse it really is a hard path you find yourselves on. It is very much one day at a time each new bit of info to process and figure out and step up again

    Allow yourself some breathing space how ever that may be ....five mins stroll in the fresh air outside the hospital or rubbish tv when you get home

    Eat and drink you cant care unnourished

    And keep reminding each other you love each other 

    Sending strength and hope

    RB