Thank you all for responding and for your support.

Things have developed since my first post.

Anne had an emergency operation to remove the new breast implant last Friday. When they operated they found a lot of infection which ultimately proved the right decision was taken.

However, this has hit Anne hard. She now has one reconstructed breast and on the other side nothing at all. 

It has been agreed that she needs a hip replacement and the femur on the same side strengthening. However the surgeons won't consider doing this until her blood markers are clear for 2 weeks. Then they say it would take 2 weeks to plan the operation in.

Anne is currently stuck in a hospital bed (the ward staff are treating her like a VIP) and this could be the case until the operation a minimum of 4 weeks ahead.

We would love to both be at home until the operation, but we live in an old canal workers cottage with very steep and narrow stairs with the only bathroom upstairs. It simply isn't safe for Anne.

We have an appointment with Occupational Therapy on Monday, however I'm very aware they can't change the stairs in our house.

Anne's mood is becoming increasingly low, although she always puts on a big smile to anyone who engages. The reality is she is in inner turmoil and I don't know what to do. I spent 6 hours with Anne today at hospital, much of the time we were bickering at each other. She said I was being negative about everything. So I try just to listen rather than say anything that could impact her low mood, but then she says I'm being uncaring and don't understand.

To be blunt, this a shot place to be.

Dan

Hello Dan

I glad you are finding this a safe and supportive space im sure all of us can relate to the cant say the right thing

It is so hard to be present all the time and carry your own swinging feelings emotions etc 

You are Annes safe person when she can let herself be cross grumpy tearful rather than the smiling patient she portrays for others.

A couple of things have you spoken to anyone other than here about your feelings all are natural by the way the helpline here is good as is Macmillian which are open every day 8am -8pm

Has Anne seen the hospital psychologist or counsellor might be helpful to ask if not 

You might be surprised what the OT can suggest its not unheard of to have a bed downstairs and a visiting bathing service ( post code dependant ) 

Either way its good to have them come out and find out what options are available to provide care for Anne going forward.

mostly spouse to spouse it really is a hard path you find yourselves on. It is very much one day at a time each new bit of info to process and figure out and step up again

Allow yourself some breathing space how ever that may be ....five mins stroll in the fresh air outside the hospital or rubbish tv when you get home

Eat and drink you cant care unnourished

And keep reminding each other you love each other 

Sending strength and hope

RB

Hello Dan

I glad you are finding this a safe and supportive space im sure all of us can relate to the cant say the right thing

It is so hard to be present all the time and carry your own swinging feelings emotions etc 

You are Annes safe person when she can let herself be cross grumpy tearful rather than the smiling patient she portrays for others.

A couple of things have you spoken to anyone other than here about your feelings all are natural by the way the helpline here is good as is Macmillian which are open every day 8am -8pm

Has Anne seen the hospital psychologist or counsellor might be helpful to ask if not 

You might be surprised what the OT can suggest its not unheard of to have a bed downstairs and a visiting bathing service ( post code dependant ) 

Either way its good to have them come out and find out what options are available to provide care for Anne going forward.

mostly spouse to spouse it really is a hard path you find yourselves on. It is very much one day at a time each new bit of info to process and figure out and step up again

Allow yourself some breathing space how ever that may be ....five mins stroll in the fresh air outside the hospital or rubbish tv when you get home

Eat and drink you cant care unnourished

And keep reminding each other you love each other 

Sending strength and hope

RB