Caring for mum in her home

My mum was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2008. She had a full hysterectomy followed by several chemotherapy sessions since then. The last was probably about 3 years ago. Fairly recently she was told she was not fit enough for any more treatment and is therefore not under the care of the oncology department anymore, something which she found quite hard to accept. The last scan showed some shadow in her abdomen, though the doctor said he couldn't feel anything when he last visited. She is not in pain. Alongside this she has a kidney stent which can be very uncomfortable at times when sitting. She rests in bed quite frequently and will sleep for up to 2 hours. Her general feeling is very low; almost depressive. She has little or no interest in anything; occasionally reading the paper or watching TV. She lives with her partner (99 years old) who is amazing really. He cooks for her and can be quite the 'mother hen'. Mum can be quite intolerant and is quite 'snapppy' at times. The doctor visits every so often and recommends she eats foods high in calories; all the things that would be normally bad!! However, with a very poor appetite and a reduced sense of taste, getting her to eat is very difficult. Although the CA125 number is increasing each time blood teats are done, there hasn't been any mention of her life expectancy. I visit regularly; I clean, deal with the washing and ironing, do light gardening jobs, organise online grocery shopping and other shopping when needed, deal with any issues regarding the house and generally keep things ticking over. I try to stimulate her with conversation, she regularly shares memories of days gone by and actually has a very good long term and short term memory. Recently, when I said to her partner she needs more stimulation from visits by her 4 grandsons (all grown men), he was rather dismissive and said they would need entertaining; coffee making etc. I found this rather upsetting. Mum too has said she wouldn't want family to see her when she's not feeling well, but if the timing was right I think she would benefit from their visits. His sons (in their 70s), visit quite often. I'm just after some help in what to do really. There is only me (and my husband) as my only brother died 30 years ago. 

  • Hi Wardrobe,

    Welcome to Cancer Chat. It sounds like you are being a wonderful support to your mum. I am sure this is hugely appreciated and making a big difference. It's also good to hear that her partner is able to do so much as well.

    It's lovely to hear about the conversation - I'm sure this must be nice for you as well as being stimulating for her. You mention she seems quite depressive and with not much interest in things. Perhaps you could try little things like simple games or a crossword or quiz, to help with engagement and stimulation, if this would be appropriate.

    We have a section on our website about supporting others and also taking care of yourself, in case any of this is useful at all.

    It's difficult to advise on the family situation regarding visits, but I'm sure any visits would be a nice thing, although I understand your mum's feelings on it and I'm sure that is fairly common. It must put a bit of pressure on you if it feels like others aren't visiting so much.

    If ever you feel you're struggling to cope with it all and could do with some additional support, it might be worth having a chat to Macmillan to see what may be available. Also to your mum's doctor, to see if they can suggest anything.

    We also have nurses available if ever you'd like to just talk things through with someone. You can reach them on freephone 0808 800 4040 - Monday-Friday, 9-5.

    I hope that this forum can be of some help to you, and that you get more replies to your post soon. You can also use the search bar at the top of the page to find other relevant discussions and people to connect with, if you'd like to.

    We're always here if you need it.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Ben
    Cancer Chat Moderator