Hi! I'm new here and I was wondering if anyone could please recommend some resources in terms of dietary guidance for improving bowel cancer symptoms?

A close older relative has recently been diagnosed with colorectal cancer, but they need to have a few more tests before it can be staged and treated. At the moment, they're suffering from bowel incontinence, diarrhoea, blood in their stools, and feeling like they still need to poo after going to the bathroom. When the symptoms flare up, they have frequent accidents and it keeps them up at night because they feel like they have to constantly get up to go to the toilet. They're exhausted and completely miserable!

I've been keeping track of when their symptoms worsen, and it definitely coincides with them eating certain foods (the usual suspects: frozen microwave meals, desserts, sugary snacks, and takeout). They’ve been told by family members, their oncologist, and other medical professionals that they need to improve their diet in the lead up to any kind of treatment, but they won’t listen so the flare-ups are often. When I asked why they’re eating foods they’ve been told not to, they said it is “because it’s so good”. They've also expressed that they can't wait for treatment to be over so they can eat whatever they want, but they've already been told by the oncologist that continuing to eat better is a part of treatment and recovery. They live alone so there’s no one to keep an eye on them 24/7 to make sure they're eating well.

Their daughter (who lives across the country) stayed with them for a while so she could take them to their first meeting with the oncologist. She called them out for lying to the oncologist about their diet/smoking/exercising habits. She also cooked all their meals while she was there and got rid of most of the junk food—she found bags of Pez hidden down the side of the couch and in their car. My relative’s bowel habits improved a lot in those two weeks and they said that they were feeling so much better and happier. Their daughter had to go home for a few weeks, so she prepped lots of healthy meals to heat up during that time because my relative refuses to cook. I saw photos of the homemade food—it looks fantastic and there's lots of variety. It's all food my relative has had many times before and said they liked and wanted. The only difference was that the food was made without added salt, which didn't seem to be a problem since it still had lots of flavour.

Things have been going so well for a week and a half but my relative had another flare-up of symptoms the other day. They told me they had been eating healthily, but later admitted to having apple pie delivered and eating a slice without the crust. I also found out that they'd eaten leftovers their neighbour brought them (fried rice with pineapple and a spring roll from a local restaurant). I pointed out the correlation between the food and the flare-up (as I have done the previous times this has happened), but they don't believe that sugary, salty, greasy, and processed foods could have anything to do with it. Now they're acting like being encouraged to eat better is some form of punishment and they've said they'll continue to eat small slices of the pie. I just looked up the nutrition info of the pie and a portion (1/10 of it) contains 44% of their recommended daily sugar. Their "small" slice was at least 1/8, which I think contains roughly 55%. I’ll tell them about it, but I don’t think it’ll make much of a difference.

I've explained how the digestive system works and how food can affect bowel habits, but my relative continues to tell me that I must be wrong, and that these symptoms are solely caused by “this horrible disease” and they can't understand why the flare-ups keep happening. This isn't the only health issue they have—they've acted similarly over other things. Nothing anyone says seems to be getting through to them. I don’t know what to do any more and I don’t know why they’re acting like this. I know this must be terrifying for them, and I feel terrible but so frustrated at the same time! I just want them to be well! They live in another country and even though I call them every day (sometimes several times a day), there’s only so much I can do from here.

Has anyone had a relative who’s been through this before? Or has anyone been through something like this themselves? Are there any resources online that I could direct them to that will show them that what they’re eating is making things worse? Most of the things I’ve found online are in relation to preventing colon cancer, not managing the symptoms. I’ve also heard that some colorectal cancer patients are referred to a dietician, but is there any kind of therapy that they can be referred to as well (that deals with specifically with diet and health)?

I’m sorry for the long post. Any advice you could share would really be appreciated. Thank you!