Hi RB

I'm new to the site and joined because I have reached what feels like breaking point.  My husband has terminal lung cancer and we are three months in to his predicted 7-11 month prognosis.  He is still in avoidance mode and running two businesses (physical work) which he continues to do although it exhausts him.  I am the one who does everything now, including the things he can no longer do, so that he can work and be continually on the phone to his sons, while I get nothing because he's too fatigued.  I feel utterly unloved, unsupported and alone and terrified for the future of my remaining relationship with him.  We have fabulous help from the Palliative Care Team, but there are limits to what they can do and they can't be here all the time.  And like you I have my own health issues.  I am at my wits' end. 

So in answer to your post, I absolutely get where you are, I am so sorry and wish there were something I could do.  It's the helplessness which is so isolating.  Friends are as supportive as they can be but unless they have been through this, then they can't possibly understand how it feels with the demands, emotional and physical pressures on us, the carers.  Friends tend to focus on the person who is dying, but it seems we are a side issue.      

Hi RB

I'm new to the site and joined because I have reached what feels like breaking point.  My husband has terminal lung cancer and we are three months in to his predicted 7-11 month prognosis.  He is still in avoidance mode and running two businesses (physical work) which he continues to do although it exhausts him.  I am the one who does everything now, including the things he can no longer do, so that he can work and be continually on the phone to his sons, while I get nothing because he's too fatigued.  I feel utterly unloved, unsupported and alone and terrified for the future of my remaining relationship with him.  We have fabulous help from the Palliative Care Team, but there are limits to what they can do and they can't be here all the time.  And like you I have my own health issues.  I am at my wits' end. 

So in answer to your post, I absolutely get where you are, I am so sorry and wish there were something I could do.  It's the helplessness which is so isolating.  Friends are as supportive as they can be but unless they have been through this, then they can't possibly understand how it feels with the demands, emotional and physical pressures on us, the carers.  Friends tend to focus on the person who is dying, but it seems we are a side issue.      

Hello Lauren1902

I am sorry you are going through this.

The feeling of being just the carer is very hard and feeling unnoticed by hubby is heartbreaking at times.

We are 15 months in our 12 months prognosis......which is kinda weird to write down or say 

I guess the patient has to do it their way its their life but we need to care for ourselves too 

So carve out time for you whatever that is for you

I speak to a counsellor and i go for a walk or to a activity group you need to recharge your batteries and be you

Check out carers uk 

For help

It isnt easy and here is a gd place to chat 

Sending strength

RB

Thank you so much for your kind words.  That helps so much, to know that others who are sharing the experience understand exactly what I am going through.  Best of luck to you. L

• You are welcome