Hi Faye,

A very warm welcome to our forum, although I'm so sorry to hear why you're here.

Having experienced the position that you find yourself in, I can totally understand how you feel. You would never forgive yourself, if you bowed out now. It is not unusual for the personality to change at the end of life and this can be really hard to cope with for loved ones. Keep reminding yourself that this altered personality is due to the illness and is not the mum you know and love. Unfortunately, this is not something that your mum has any power over - she possibly is totally unaware of the situation and will expect you to be the loving daughter, who has had such a strong bond with her. Don't disappoint her, as she won't understand why you are letting her down by walking away.

This is quite possibly a scary time for her, something that she has no control over - a very valid reason for anger and fear. It is a scary time for you too. This is the one time in her life, that she really needs you. You need to find the strength to see this through - and you will. I am not going to give you any platitudes, as there are none for this situation. You will find it hard after she's gone. I certainly did with my mum, but you will gradually come to terms with your loss and begin to recall happier times.

I am thinking of you and hoping that you find the wherewithal to see this through to the end. I am always here if you want to talk.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

I would never intentionally disappoint my mom and I could never walk away today is the first time in 6 weeks I have not got up from my sleepless night and gone straight to her and sat by her bedside from morning til late evening when they settle her for the night , but all the while I’m not there I struggling keep breaking down with the realisation that she will not be here with me anymore I will be going later this evening to be with her I never knew this is part of the process now I know I will continue to be there it was never about that ! I love her unconditionally always it is just breaking my heart

Hi Faye,

I am not, for one second, suggesting that you might walk away and I apologise if you thought that I was. I found that instead of concentrating on my impending loss, it was more helpful to see what I could do to ease things for my mum. Unfortunately, there will be plenty of time to come to terms with your loss after your mom is no longer here. If you feel that there is anything that might ease her passage, don't be afraid to ask the hospice staff to implement it.

Don't worry about shedding those tears, when you are not with your mom. Crying really does help to relieve some of the stress that you are currently under. Do you have any family or friends who can support you through this ordeal?

As I said before, I am always here if you want to talk.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx