Hi Kandykade and welcome to the Cancer Chat forum.

I'm very sorry to hear about the very difficult and upsetting situation you are finding yourself in and it must be so hard to know how to deal with this. Being given a cancer diagnosis can be very distressing and in your partner's case the aggressive cancer and spinal compression which has left him disabled will have had life-changing consequences. This will inevitably bring about a whole host of emotions, many of which can be very difficult to cope with. They may become so overwhelming that an outlet is needed to release all these emotions but how your partner is behaving towards you is not acceptable and from what you've mentioned in your post it sounds like he could be exhibiting some signs of emotional abuse and that this started well before the cancer diagnosis as you were planning to leave him. It is important to remember that domestic abuse isn't always about violence, it can also include emotional, verbal abuse and controlling behaviour.

It was very nice of you that you initially wanted to stay and support him after the diagnosis but the most important thing is that you put yourself first and that you feel happy and find yourself again. If the situation is becoming unbearable for you, then you need to think about your options and how to make things better for you. Perhaps it might be worth getting in touch with a GP for advice on how to arrange for medical and practical support for him if he is disabled because of his illness so that he isn't left alone but you mustn't feel trapped at any point in this relationship. I would also reach out to Women's Aid or Refuge. You may also like to call the National Domestic Abuse helpline. You can either contact them through their website or give them a call on 0808 2000247 and explain your tricky situation. Their phone lines are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and have expert advisers who offer confidential, non-judgemental support, so there is always someone available if you are ever in need of some advice. 

I'm sure some of our members who have been in a similar situation will be along soon to offer their thoughts and advice but in the meantime we're sending all our strength and support your way. 

Best wishes,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator