Advice for telling children.

Hi there, I am a carer for my mum who has stage 4 terminal ovarian cancer. We have had the most recent prognosis this weekend and unfortunately my mums cancer has spread even further than previous times, it's now into her lungs aswell as most other areas in her body. 

Her consultant has now said a timeline would be around 2/3 months now until she will pass away, but he kept emphasising that she will go down hill very rapidly so could be much sooner. 

I myself have 3 children of my own. 2 of which understand everything to their own degree of understanding, they have never been kept in the dark about anything to do with their nannas condition. (My other children is a 6 month old baby boy so he doesn't know whats going on) this last devastating piece of news has hit hard for my family and I'm now unsure of how to tell my children. How am I suppose to explain that it could now happen anywhere ranging from now to a few days/weeks. I'm really looking for some advice from people who have been in a similar situation or find themselves in it now and would like to share how they've gone about it. Any help would be massively helpful. Thank you

  • Welcome to the forum Em_1005 although I'm really sorry to hear the prognosis your mum has been given.

    This must be such a difficult time for you and your family but I hope this information we have on how to support children when someone is dying, including what to tell them and how to talk to children of different ages will help you figure out the best way to explain what will happen to their nanna.

    So many of our members know how challenging it can be to talk to children about dying, so you are not alone Em_1005, and I'm sure some of them will be along soon to offer their support and advice.

    If it would help to talk things through with one of our cancer nurses, they're available on 0808 800 4040, Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m. They're very understanding and will do all they can to help you.

    We're thinking of you Em_1005 and sending all our support your way.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • I'm sorry to hear of your devastating news. I guess it depends on how old / mature your children are. But when I was the one with cancer, we decided that honesty was the best policy. We didn't want to have to whisper and have the kids overhear something and only get half of the story. You do have to make that on a level that the kids will understand and don't need to go into all the details. But Kids aren't stupid and understand more than we think. Good luck

  • I agree with Geeker. Age matters with how you tell them, not what you tell them.

    We got told to be truthful with our then 14 year old. Kids tend to deal with the truth better if they think you're being upfront with them. If you embellish things or flat out lie/remain quiet, they won't have confidence in anything you tell them and will worry more.