Hello Erl, 

I am so sorry to hear about your best friend and soulmate's lung cancer diagnosis and I hope that he won't have to wait too long for his PET scan results and that he finds out what treatment options are available to him. You are not at all selfish - it is normal to be scared and emotional as you love him so much. You also have a lot on your shoulders as you are having to care for him but also have to carry on working and juggling so many things. Take the time you need being off work - it is important during this difficult time that you look after yourself as well. It's normal to feel alone - what you are going through at the moment is very hard and it can seem like your whole time is taken up by being a carer, supporting him, taking him to oncology appointments, helping him on a daily basis with simple tasks like cooking meals, getting dressed or going for a walk. It can often feel like it doesn't leave much time for anything else. Many members of our community will know exactly how you feel and how easy it is to forget oneself in the midst of all this. I hope that you will hear from others who have also looked after a loved one with cancer and who will know what you are going through at the moment. 

There is information on our website for Family, friends and caregivers which gives helpful tips on how to support someone with cancer but also very importantly it will tell you more about taking care of yourself and making sure that you are taking time to look after yourself both physically and emotionally. Recharging your batteries and taking a moment to look after yourself will be beneficial for you and therefore also for your loved one. 

This is not an easy time for either of you and I wanted you to know that you are not alone and there will be others here who completely understand how you are feeling at the moment and they will I am sure be echoing my words, that you are not at all selfish in being scared and emotional in these difficult moments. 

Best wishes to you and to your soulmate and I hope that you will find out more soon about the treatment options that lie ahead for him. 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Thank you Lucie.. Your words of support have made me feel a little better.. I think you are all wonderful angels sent from heaven. I have always been spiritual but right now more so. I feel like I'm on a groundhog day treadmill, going through emotions and routines. I agree I need some time out for me too and my doctor is calling me tomorrow to check on my wellbeing too which is good. Also checking in with work tomorrow, they won't be happy. Been advised I need 3 months on sick as neurosurgeon thinks soul mate is a good candidate for brain and lung surgery. One day at a time for me though, to process each and every challenge. Much love, Erl. Xx

Hi Erl, I’m reaching out to you as a lot of what you said resonated with me. I am so sorry to hear about your best friend and soul mate’s diagnosis. My partner has recently been diagnosed with lung cancer with secondary tumour in his heart. Has just started chemo. I too work, and am feeling overwhelmed with how to juggle everything. Having initially taken some time off during biopsies and tests, I am now back at work as we try to discover a new rhythm. If the chemo shrinks the tumour in his heart we will be looking at surgery in the autumn. Like you, I feel very alone with all of this, it’s a lot to take in and I want to be there for him. I’m finding it particularly difficult right now to balance sharing my feelings with him and protecting him from my pain. I reached out to MacMillan today to enquire about support groups for family but it seems there’s nothing.