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My wife has a grade 4 Brain tumour. Was told she would have 6 weeks - 2 months. She's starting to slowly deteriorate now

Peter19988
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I've been looking after my dear wife after being told she has a brain tumor grade 4 from November but they sound it in sept,after months of tests ,scans, biopsy they told us in November they could not fix it and gave her 6 weeks to 2 months to live!a great shock to us all,now 4 months have past my wife is slowly deteriorating sadly and I feel like we are playing a waiting game!she's bed bound can only use her left arm now,as much as I love her,I feel what we have been told as in prognosis is not right as in they should not tell people,I do treasure my time with her and we have talked more in the last six months then ever before,but I feel for her that this is not right,having a brain tumor is one thing being told about time limits is another my wife's asks me when? ,how long?it seems by telling us it plays in the mind of expectation when if how etc...we just don't know!

  • I'm so sorry to hear about your wife Peter.

    I can't begin to imagine what you have both been through over the last 6 months, and how difficult it must be to watch and support your wife in the latter stages of her diagnosis, but I want you to know that the Cancer Chat community are here for you and I'm sure some of our members will be along soon to offer you their support and advice.

    I know there is nothing I can say or do that can make this any easier, but I hope you can take some strength, and comfort, from knowing that you are not alone and that we are all thinking of you at this very challenging time.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

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    Hi Peter, 

    I'm so sorry to hear about your wife :( I don't have any words of wisdom unfortunately but wanted to reply as I feel like I can massively relate to your situation. The waiting and the anticipatory grief feels like torture. My Mum's time line and situation sounds a little similar. My Mum has stage 4 breast cancer. After 2 years of chemo she finally stopped all treatment at the end of November last year as it was no longer working. Her oncologist said she'd be lucky to see Christmas yet here we are nearly in the middle of March. I'm still so annoyed that time frames like this can be given. It's completely messed me up if I'm honest. I feel like I'm constantly living in limbo land. Financially it's a stress and a worry too. I'm currently off work with stress but I cannot afford to live off of statutory sick pay and I've no idea how long this is going to go on for. Like you with your wife, I'm not wishing my Mum away but her quality of life is getting slowly worse and worse. I feel stuck and scared for the future. It's hell just not knowing. I'm sorry I've gone on a major waffle about myself there but I just wanted to mention that you're definitely not alone in how you're feeling. It's such a hard thing to go through. 

  • Offline in reply to StrawberryBear

    Hello I to am sorry to hear about your mum you know your not alone it sometimes helps me to know that so thank you for saying those words means a lot.like you the waiting and everything else plays with my mind aswell from good thoughts to anger but for me the one that haunts me is why!!!

    Could I say to you I know McMillan can offer the way of advice on finances and when I spoke to them they are very much down to earth people,they might ask a few questions but I do know they great contacts that can find out and put in place any finances that your mum or you could get...the only thing my wife gets is attendance allowance..it's not a lot but it helps...

    Hope it's some use to you...thanks for your reply we both understand what's going on..staying strong is easier said than done..we can only try.... someone said to me the other day just remember it's not your wife's fault!! How true,take care.

  • Offline in reply to Peter19988

    Thankyou also for your reply. Exactly that with non of this being your wife's fault, it's all cancer's fault. Everything awful we're going through is purely because of cancer. And I agree, I don't get why either. My Mum's 56 so it doesn't seem fair. 

    Thankyou so much for mentioning Macmillan. I'm not sure they'll be able to help me as I don't live with my Mum (although staying over a heck of a lot at the moment). My Mum is on full PIP and helps me out wherever she can and gives me money for travel but with my overheads and not knowing how long this will carry on for it's such a worry. I think I will give them a call though as there's really nothing to lose. 

    Take care of you whenever you can though and don't feel guilty for it. We deserve to be kind to ourselves too and just remember, you're not alone in this. 

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