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Newly married

Samij
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Hi thank you to all that reads my post, my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years in which it has not been an easy relationship after my boyfriend would leave me if he didn't like something I said or he would block me on social media. This would be consistent but I am a person that will see the good in somebody as he has a lovely side, and really tried to make it work.

Back in April 2024 my boyfriend was diagnosed with a brain tumour, it was a very emotional time for us both, and I decided to take some time off work. My work was amazing, and very supportive, as soon as my partner was diagnosed with this tumour, he asked me to marry him at the time. I was worried because our relationship has been a very on-off relationship, but I wanted to support him and make him happy, so we got married August 2024 it was a beautiful day, and maybe I was being a bit naive I was hoping that our relationship would get better because I felt in my heart that he would value his life and myself , I stood beside him throughout the operation, stayed in a hotel supporting his mum through it all hand was beside him for the days he was in hospital since then he's had a radiotherapy, and his moods would vary, he would shout at me like it was before we got married, I was told that he had always been like this, he said he would move in, but his son who lives with him whos 21, said  I would only move in if I have my own room in which wasn't possible as I have twins of opposite sex, my husband  cannot work and he is spending the money he gets on his private rented property, he has two big dogs, that need a lot of exercise and no one does it, he's a hoarder and I've offered to help and sort it out and he gets aggressive, shouts at me, keeps telling me he wish he never married me, or says end thr relationship, or days in thr next message I love you, my metal health is suffering. He's now saying to me that he doesn't wanna live in my house. He wants me to get a different house, he's accumulating a lot of debt now as well, ehen hes so many things he coukd sale yo get rid if it, I said to him he needs to sort it out and I would support him,  his answer is you just want me to have nothing and that I'm selfish we haven't seen each other for a week, and I'm starting to have mixed emotions, sadly! Does anybody have any ideas of what I can do? I'm now thankfully back at work as I work in a hospital, I needed some normality! But I dont know what more I can do, or whats for the best anymore. My twins are leaving school this year, they have exams coming up,  my mum has also has  been recently diagnosed with Cancer, and my dad is disabled with one leg... who I am there for to, someone please help me - thank you x 

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    Hello Sami, and sorry to hear what you are going through.  You are a victim of Domestic Abuse, and here is the phone number of UK REFUGE: 0800-2000-247.  UK REFUGE support and help Women and Children who find themselves in situations of abuse, just like you.  I grew up in a home where domestic abuse took place, and basically it caused me and my sisters to suffer  years and years of psychological problems.  My Mother ended up dying at an early age from cancer, which I directly link to the abuse she took from my Dad.  You need to leave this Man, he won't change, and deep down, you know it.  If you stay with him, you will suffer both psychologically and physically.  He will end up destroying you, just as my dad destroyed my Mum.  You are trying to do what's best for everyone else........for goodness sake, do what's BEST FOR YOU!  Hope everything works out well for you, xx

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    Hi Sami, I'm so sorry to hear what you have gone through and what you're going through. That's a lot :( 

    I want to be careful with what I say as I don't want to say the wrong thing with such a sensitive situation but firstly I agree with Blue-girl. You need to think of yourself and put yourself first. This isn't a happy, healthy relationship. 

    I feel like it sounds as though your husband asking you to marry him was his last chance of getting ultimate control over you whilst he's dealing with this horrible illness. His brain tumor is not a reason for you to feel imprisoned by him. You can't stay out of guilt etc. It sounds like you're completely ground down by it all and it sounds like things won't get better. It's your call and it's easy as an outsider to say what we'd do but please look after yourself and do what's right for you. X

  • Offline in reply to Blue-girl

    Thank you so much its been one hello og a 9 days - hes left me!! Until next week! I csnt keep doing this to myself, and my twins 

  • Offline in reply to StrawberryBear

    Thank  you for your reply! I've had a really long nine days he's been saying things to me like I'm cheating or I've got someone lined up. It's been awful. I'm not allowed to speak to anybody. He's now said it's over but next week he'll be saying how are you? I love you. I miss you. This is the pattern And I've got to stop that pattern. Thank you so much for your reply Xxx

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