Hi, I’m new here, and I care for my big sister, who is 60. 2 1/2 years ago she was diagnosed with AML. It was the most horrific treatment I’d seen a human being endure. 6 months of chemo, and various treatments for an array of infections that she had developed. She battled through, eventually received her stem cell transplant and went into remission! SCT January 2023, she went back to work end of that year. 
she was just settling into a life of normality again, doing normal things, building her body back up. We helped her celebrate her 60th birthday, and went on a family holiday. We all came back from this holiday with chest infections, and thought nothing of it. As we all recovered, she didn’t. Within a month of our return she was diagnosed with incurable lung cancer. WTF??? She’s now palliative, despite chemotherapy (it made her sicker)
I don’t know the reason I’m posting this tbh. I’m heartbroken. I’m heartbroken for her, watching her experience all her ‘lasts’. Christmas was painful, knowing she’d not get to see her Christmas tree again, and adorn it with all her beautiful ornaments - knowing she won’t get to see her grandchildren open their presents, or decorate her dinner table, or even enjoy her favourite time of year. 
I would trade places with her in a heartbeat. Why does this happen to the most precious of people? 
I am losing my faith, eye rolling and wondering if god even exists. 
I’m watching her slowly decline, and watching cancer ravage her body once more. I feel disgusted at this disease.

I feel angry at those we’ve already lost to this disease - begging them daily not to take her from us. We lost our mum, dad, and eldest sister in 2918 all to cancer. In fact we do not know of anyone in our family who has died of anything other than cancer. 

I cry every night, worrying about the thoughts she has last thing at night, and when she opens her eyes in the morning.

We are trying our best getting her to do some lasts with us, making memories, ticking things off her bucket list. 

I’ve tried accessing support through my job, but they can’t help. I can’t off load to family, as were all going through it. 

I feel like I’m losing the last person that has been the ‘glue’. I don’t have her strength, or wisdom. I’m going to miss her so bloody much, I feel like I’m grieving her already. 

I know everything I’m feeling is normal. I’m sorry if what I’ve shared is upsetting. 

Thinking of you all x