My stepdad was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer a few days before Christmas, and has started chemo. I don't know what the prognosis is. On top of this, my grandfather is in hospital for heart and kidney problems and we've been told he may, at most, have 6 months to live. He also has late stage dementia. My grandmother has recently had an endoscopy and we fear she has bowel cancer (we will find out for sure Thursday). I'm truly at a loss of how to cope with all of this. My mum and aunt and uncles are run ragged with stress and trying to look after everyone. I'm trying to help where I can but I feel so helpless. I'm trying to be there for my family but everything is so much and I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, and I struggle to push through it to support everyone in my family, given that we are all feeling these waves of pain from all directions. But I feel useless. What good can I do when I barely have myself put together right now? I have to try, because I can't stand to see my mum so stretched thin from the stress of managing all of this.

I've been struggling to sleep due to these feelings, I feel like my friends are trying to offer support, which I appreciate, but they just don't understand what I'm going through and that makes me feel isolated. I'm so scared for the future and losing three family members so quickly, especially as it means watching them grow weaker, more tired, in more pain, etc. The weight of it all is so much- all the time, every day.

Grief is such a complex experience, and even reminding myself of the natural cycle of life and death, and that I should be present with the people in my life with the time we have, doesn't seem to do much to alleviate the overwhelming pain I'm experiencing. I mourn what life used to be before this, and I mourn what could have been without all of this. It hurts to see family members in so much pain, both emotionally and physically. I don't know how much more I can take. I want to make the most of the time we have, but this haze of depression is so overwhelming, I find it hard to know what to do. Especially while watching the people you love grow weaker.

I don't know, I just needed somewhere to talk about this. Everything is a lot right now and I don't know how to deal with all these big feelings.