Abandonment / Hospice

Hello i’m new here.

i’m looking for some advice and support as i’m really suffering.

My parent is in hospice after a long battle with cancer. Some people have decided not to visit them at all, some people have visited said their goodbyes and gone, including their close family and my sibling, only two friends have stuck around visiting daily. Despite my parent not always being that kind to me when they were well i’m now in a situation where i am the main carer, and everyone who has had their nice clean goodbyes expecting daily updates from me. I feel totally abandoned (apart from the 2 friends) and i feel angry and let down. I’ve mentioned to the hospice twice that i am really struggling with my mental health (the crisis phase of the illness has been going on for around 6 weeks now) and they said they would support me with therapy but so far nothing. I’ve not been able to go into my work for 2 weeks now and i have a small child, i also don’t live in the same city as the hospice and have to travel every day. I’m exhausted and yet something in me can’t abandon my parent too. Am i right to be angry that other people have abandoned my dying parent, and also why is no one supporting me more, how do they not feel guilty or am i feeling overly guilty? Everyone knows that my parent only has days left. The way people have acted i find as unbearable as the grief. 

  • Hi HelenaH,

    Welcome to Cancer Chat. I'm so sorry to hear of the situation with your parent, this sounds like a lot for you to be dealing with especially with everything else going on.

    I think your feelings are quite understandable - it is a lot of weight placed on your shoulders and I am sure this must be incredibly difficult.

    Keep persevering to get the support you mention from the hospice. It might also be worth contacting Macmillan, as another avenue to see what they may be able to suggest with regards to therapy or other options.

    It's important that you do get some support as it's a lot to go through on your own. Keep speaking to others around you, and also on this forum if you find this is helpful. This is a very supportive community and there will be others here who understand, or who may be going through something similar. Hopefully you'll get some more replies here soon - if not, you can also search the forum (using the bar at the top of the page) for other relevant discussions and people to connect with.

    We are always here whenever you may need it. Take care of yourself and wishing you all the best,

    Ben
    Cancer Chat Moderator