Hi Symosam, 

You are certainly going through an awful lot and I can totally see why it isn't easy for you at work at the moment with it being a medical environment and you qualifying as nurse only a year ago. Well done though you did really well doing your nursing degree and even though this first year is really tough and you are juggling a lot at home and at work, it is a remarkable achievement. I can completely understand why you needed to reduce your hours and 30 a week is already a lot given the situation. It's great that you are clued up on what you can claim and what financial support is available to you. Have a look on our website's page on Financial support and cancer just in case you missed anything and Macmillan also have a helpline you can call for advice on financial matters and helpful information on benefits and financial support. 

You have come to the right place to talk to others who understand what you are going through and this feeling of helplessness as you are trying to support a loved one with cancer. It's been a really hard year for you and I am so sorry to hear you lost your mother in law last year and it must have been so hard nursing her at home while trying to finish your degree and now you find yourself going through something similar and I am so sorry to hear that you are finding that support at work is starting to wear thin. Applying for part time positions with better pay is a clever move. As you say, sometimes it can feel like others don't truly understand, that they are trying to be supportive but they haven't really walked in your shoes as you put it so accurately. On Cancer Chat you will meet others who know exactly how you are feeling as they are in a similar boat themselves and know too well the challenges that come with caring for a loved one with cancer while trying to keep on top of everything at work. Do talk to your employers if you feel you are struggling and see with them what provision they have for you to take time off should you need it in the future. We have information on our website for Family, friends and carers which you might want to have a look at as it includes a section on taking care of yourself which is easy to forget but is also very important. If you feel things are getting too much, talk to your GP about how you are feeling, they might be able to refer you to counselling or give you some good advice to help you cope during this difficult time. We also have a page about mental health when caring for someone with cancer . There is support available and carers support organisations that can help and that you can reach out to. 

I hope that this helps a little and I will now let other members of our community who have been in a similar position come and say hello and share their thoughts and experiences with you. 

We're thinking of you during this difficult time and do come back here anytime you want to offload or talk to others who truly understand what you are going through. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

I'm on benefits, 42 and my partner's 50, he's receiving palliative care. We have two kids in primary school. If I write down our situation in full it feels like a nightmare but I just live for the distractions and the hope of providing enough stability for my kids that they one day have better. When I got pregnant it didn't feel too old but now I'm not so sure. Everyone who could have supported us is struggling, sick or dying from illness they might not have had had they been 10 years younger. I think sometimes life just throws cruelty at us to see if we break. I understand people not knowing what it's like to be in your shoes. Sometimes being strong just doesn't feel enough, doesn't it? I feel very thinly spread too x