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Caring for someone refusing treatment

Hpg
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My FIL is extremely unwell but refusing any type of help and intervention. We managed to get a GP to visit who said they cannot formally diagnose without scans and proper tests but from what they are seeing and his symptoms it is very likely advance bowel or pancreatic cancer. We dont feel he has very long left. He wants no treatment and refuses to go into a hospital or hospice. We don't know how to care for him at home when we have no idea what we are dealing with. He has agreed to come to our home. I want him to be comfortable but I am frightened about how we can provide the care he needs without a proper diagnosis. I am also worried about how best to protect our children. We are completely lost.

  • Hello Hpg,

    It's a difficult decision to be in, as naturally you would want to get a diagnosis so you have a better idea of how support him. I think the best thing you can do is support his decision, while doing your best to manage any symptoms or pain with the doctors advice. We have a lot of detailed information on our website around deciding to refuse treatment, support for family, friends and carers and talking to children about cancer. You can refer to these at any point and I hope this information will be useful for you.

    Moderator Anastasia

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    Hi HPG,

    I can imagine what you’re going through as my own FIL had a similar attitude (not quite as extreme) with a different untreated physical health issue.
    After months of stress, he was also diagnosed with vascular dementia and deemed to be lacking the mental capacity to make decisions about his own healthcare during a “Best Interests” meeting organised by Social Services.
    If there’s a suspicion that your FIL has some sort of dementia or a mental health condition, it might be best to get some professional help. He’ll probably hate you for it, but it may be for his own good. 

    Best wishes
    Dave

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