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Struggling with a parent's diagnosis

kelllsbells92
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Hi everyone

I found out last week that my dad has terminal stage 4 cancer and I'm really struggling to come to terms with it.

My dad is only 60 and I'm in my early 30s, so even though we've been preparing ourselves for a possible cancer diagnosis, I just hadn't imagined it might be advanced and us potentially be dealing with so little time.

I really want to be there and be strong for my parents. But I also feel like I want to be talking to them and with them 24/7, which isn't possible or fair as they navigate their own way through the situation, and given I don't live nearby.

For me, talking really helps and I'm struggling to think of little else. But so far I've got the impression that they don't really have the emotional bandwidth for me to open up to them about how I'm feeling about everything. Conversations seem to be largely around treatment and practical planning and all the 'what ifs', which I absolutely want to be there for every step of the way, but I'm finding very hard.

I have an amazing partner and support network of my own friends around me, who all reached out when they heard the news with offers of 'let me know if there's anything I can do to help'. But despite that, I'm just feeling really alone with it all.

Is this normal? I appreciate any words of experience, as well as advice on how to navigate things with my parents.

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    Hi, my dad is 64 and was diagnosed with a brain tumour last week. I am 23, and his only daughter.

    I am the same as you. I feel I have to speak to him , and be with 24/7. He also doesn’t want to talk about it, I think it’s his way of coping, but like you, I feel that talking is helping me. I also cannot focus on anything else :(

  • Offline in reply to HFSDFW1611

    Oh I'm so sorry :( You must be feeling as lost as I am! Sending lots of love. Thank you for replying <3 

  • Offline in reply to kelllsbells92

    And you I wish you all the best !!!

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    Just want to send you a big hug. I lost my dad this spring (he was 59, I was 34) my parents separated when I was baby, (although good friend) Dad was single throughout his whole cancer journey and even though he was surrounded by all of his family and me his only child, who all wanted to be there for him he very much embarked on the emotional side of things alone! He just wanted to enjoy life with his friends, siblings and most importantly his grandchildren (my girls) he was so pragmatic and just wouldn’t open up emotionally it really upset me as I wanted him to open up but he just kept calm and carried on. The last 2 weeks when things detonated quickly we had “the chat” by that I mean we left nothing unsaid and he knew how loved he was (still desperately loved and missed) but still right until the end he was making sure we were all ok. I guess what I’m trying to say is just follow your dads lead, tell him you love him at every visit and at the end of every call, know that he knows how much you care but perhaps he just can’t face seeing his children too sad. Sending so much I’m so sorry you’re all going through this xx

  • Offline in reply to MrsP18

    Aww thank you so much and I'm so sorry for your loss. There's something about being an only child which I think makes it so much harder, doesn't it? Thanks for the advice, it's really helpful. x

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