Struggling with care

I’m seriously starting to feel run down, exhausted with caring for a friend of almost 30 years who I am also next of kin to this person. He has terminal pancreatic cancer and since his first round of chemo, it went disastrously wrong for him and within 5 days turned him into an invalid where he is incapable now of even getting to the toilet, is wearing pads and can do very little for himself. I’m currently living with him and this is pretty much at the stage of needing constant high level care. He wants to remain at home rather than go into hospital. I finally got some care services in to help but they’re not the best and cut corners all the time. I had no idea this would be so difficult and draining as I’m the main carer for him. There seem to be no real support for people in my situation at all. Getting no break and every day, his condition seems to worsen that much more and he is adamant he won’t go into hospital. He’s not quite at death’s door yet so cannot be admitted to hospice care. I’m feeling seriously drained physically, emotionally and even financially as social care keep giving me a list of new things to buy for him. The person I’m caring for seems utterly oblivious to how much time, dedication is going into him. Can’t handle much more of this now as the cracks are really starting to show now.

  • Hello CMack7 and welcome to the forum.

    I noticed you haven't had a reply just yet so I thought I would quickly stop by to say hello and let you know your post has been seen.

    I'm very sorry to read about your friend. It sounds like things have been very difficult for you both since his first round of chemo and I can't even begin to imagine how emotionally and physically draining this must be for you, but I'm glad you've reached out to us as so many of our members know of the challenges being a carer can bring, especially when someone needs a constant high level care, so you are not alone CMack7 and I'm sure you will receive some support and advice from our community soon.

    I'm not sure if you are aware or have already been in touch with Carers UK, but if you give their helpline a call they will be able to provide you with emotional support and provide you with information and advice on various things, including benefits and financial support and the services that are available to carers and the people they care for.

    Citizen's Advice have a really useful page on their website for carers, providing information on the practical help and financial support that may be available to you, so do make sure to get in touch with them to discuss your situation further.

    If your friend has given you power of attorney you could make appointment with their GP and explain what is happening so they can help you and your friend as well.
    I do hope some of the information I've provided will be useful CMack7 and you are able to get the help and support you need. 
    Taking care of the carer is just as important as the person being cared for.
    Kind regards,
    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator