Mum with breast cancer

I'm 15. I have been emotionally abused by multiple people and struggle to show emotion now. I came home from school one day and my mum, dad and sister were sat in the front room crying. My mum told me to sit down, me expecting someone had died asked "who died then?" as a joke but then my mum told me she had breast cancer. I was unfazed. Nothing came out accept a calm and simple "ok". I told my girlfriend who didn't belive me at first then started being sympathetic towards me. Still struggling to realise how bad it is, the next day I had a end of year test. Only then after I sat down and looked at my paper did it hit me. I sat there couple tears rolling down my face struggling to breathe. I just felt so alone.

My mums going through chemo now and when she started I was scared that her baldness would be a constant reminder for me that she has cancer. This happens but whenever I try to bring it up to her she hits me with the "so you're sad that I'm getting better?" and makes me feel worse. So with no way to express how I feel except to some friends and my girlfriend I guess I've come here.

Don't get me wrong I'm really happy she's getting better but it still hurts. I've been having more anger outbursts, eating and sleeping less and just getting worse as time goes on. I feel like I'm useless because I can help and if I can't help the people around me then that's selfish of me.

If anyone can help me please do. I'm scared. I'm really scared. 

  • Hi Walrus_08,

    Welcome to Cancer Chat. I'm sorry to hear of the situation with your mum - this sounds like a lot to be dealing with, particularly if you've also had other things like exams going on.

    It's good to hear that you have friends and a girlfriend to speak with about this. Talking often helps, so do keep reaching out to others. I'm also glad that you've found this forum - this is a safe space to write things down and to connect with others who understand, so I hope that it can be helpful for you.

    It may be that you will deal with a lot of different emotions about what's going on. Try to take things slowly, a day at a time, and focus on looking after yourself as well as supporting those around you where possible. I'm sure you're not being selfish, it's just a case of going through a lot - and it sounds like you've dealt with a lot previously too.

    As I say, keep speaking to others, and we are always here if you need it.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Ben
    Cancer Chat Moderator