Indeed. All I can reflect is that: it doesn't help to get cross/ use the silent treatment / use emotional blackmail (E.G. you don't get up and go to the toilet, , you'll be taken to hospital and YOU WILL DIE THERE!).
All I can say is that with my husband, who has incurable oesophageal cancer, is that open but calm discussion works with the focus on developing an action plan that the partner agrees to..My husband has had difficulty with fatigue and so stopped talking walks, This exacerbated oedema and has led to extensive muscle loss. The conversation went something like this:
ME: It seems to me that you feel so unwell, you are giving up. If so, I understand.
HIM: Whacks chair arm: I AM NOT GIVING UP!
ME: I have to ask as I don't know how you feel. But, if you aren't giving up, we need a strategy to address the muscle wastage. Shall we get an exercise regime sorted?
Exercise regime started. with a mini bike. He is motivated.
No idea if this will work with anyone else but finding a way to communicate your concerns calmly (and have an outcome that you want to achieve) could help?
My partner is going thru chemo for esophegeal cancer atm and is not a great talker. He gets down and low energy fatigue
Sometimes a motivating reminder that he is still got all his faculties and is able to do stuff....works....everyone is different and relate in different ways ....sometimes another person has more impact ....being not the wife...for example the nurse discussing pain relief had more success than me saying exactly the same
Counselling is helpful too he can say anything to them
Hi I am having the same trying to keep my husband motivated.He has lung cancer and could only be offered radiotherapy because he has advanced multiple sclerosis and is a type 2 diabetic.I am trying to keep him motivated but to him life is not worth living.I try and be positive for him as I am no stranger to cancer after having tongue cancer twice.my husband is not a talker I try and be positive for him but he just shrugs it off and says he is going to die anyway so talking about it won't help.He is 69 and I am 71 and I am at my wits end.He can't walk and uses an electric wheelchair.He seems only interested in watching football and playing on his playstation.He said he is fed up of taking medication especially pain relief.He tells everyone he is fine but I know he isn't.sorry I can't be much help here I hope you have more luck than me.take care x
I am sorry to hear about your husbands diagnosis and glad you reached out.
You are definitely not alone.
I found since hubby has been switched to insulin as a type two diabetic his moods are much better because he is able to keep blood sugars more steady. I just mention this because treatments can play havoc with this with knock on effects apologies if this is already been addressed.
I think what is helping me to support hubby is taking time out for myself to have a break
And refresh my own mental health
I speak to a therapist about once a month...
Hubby has begun to move in his way of dealing with his situation and having some support from former colleagues via digital and visits has helped and given something else to think about.
Can hubby go to a local match?
Or invite someone around to watch with....give you both a break
Overall Shiki take time to support your own needs as you have begun today
Thank you for replying my husband won't leave the house. he is rude to all family and friends as for taking him to see a match who would want to when nothing pleases him.we have a 2 year old girl dog who is attached to both of us but more so me.i would love to go out but have to use a walker as a couple of small strokes have affected my balance on my right side so I can't even walk my dog as she pulls me over.It is fantastic that your hubby has a lot of support from former colleagues and visitors must help you a lot and give you time to look after you.thank you for responding to me it is appreciated and wishing you and your hubby a good outcome x
Good to hear from you. I know it is hard to even find time to reply to a message when you are caring for someone 24/7.
I am sorry hubby is taking his pain and frustration out on you
Is this new?
I am glad you have your doggie to fuss they are like waggie tailed sunshine arent they?
Have you thought of going out with your dog walker and your furry friend maybe as far as the nearest bench ? You could sit and enjoy watching doggie play?
I sometimes have our grand puppy to visit and do similar with daughter in law ....
Have you spoken to the Helpline or to Macmillan helpline both are good
concentrate on you....I know you may feel guilty but honestly we cannot save others if we are deflated ourselves and you are carrying such a lot....
Wife Hugs..
Thank you for you kind wishes
hubby is palliative care
doing okay atm but obviously each day is a new challenge..
..it is hard figuring it out isnt it? Its not lijke the romanticised fairy tales on telly when everyone is super strong and deals with it heroically.
Reality is harsh and that's why I'm glad for the forum
You can be yourself frank and honest and I think knowing someone gets it is helpful so thank you for sharing.
