Hello Elle2024, 

This is so sad  - both your parents unwell; it does sound like you would benefit from some additional help and support. It is definitely worth discussing palliative care help with your mother's medical team. Having this important discussion on what the next steps to take is definitely a good idea especially with both your parents being so ill at the same time. It's so hard sometimes having to balance what seems to be the right and reasonable thing to do at this stage  with your parents' own wishes and desires and it's normal to feel so worried as a result because you want to do the right thing and it's sometimes difficult to know what is best. This is why talking to their respective medical teams is crucial, and finding out what they in their medical expertise would advise at this stage. 

Our website has information which is specifically designed for Friends, family and carers with great advice on how to support someone with cancer and I would also strongly recommend you read our information on support at home for you and your family as well as our section on palliative treatment which will tell you more about what the palliative care team can do to help. I think it might also be beneficial to give our cancer nurses a ring on this free number 0808 800 4040 and talk things through with them - their helpline is open Monday to Friday from 9am to 5pm. 

I hope that you will also hear from the experiences of others who have been in a similar place before. What you're going through at the moment is certainly not easy and there are some really tough decisions to make and I hope that you can talk to the specialists soon to help you find what would be best for your parents.

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Thank you very much for replying. It's made me feel I'm not on my own. Mum did get worse and I called the dr,  he gave the correct medication, an oral suspension pain killer. This has helped and he also found out the hospital had made a referral to the hospice but it had been lost! He re referred and the hospice specialist nurse was out the next day.. I now feel that I'm not feeling in the dark at last. Thank you so much for the weblinks advice. Now we're on the right road to give the care our mum deserves at this stressful time xx

Well a little update. My mum was set free yesterday. She was in no pain and comfortable. We had a fantastic team of carers, Dr's, district nurses as the last 2 weeks progressed rapidly and constantly changing. The hospice nurse specialist meant we could have mum at home and she got things actioned in hours as mums medication had to be 24hour monitored.  It took the 5 9f us and a team of dedicated team of professionals to help us through the last week's, especially the last week. To anyone reading this please ask for help as now my mum has taken her last wee breath we have comfort in knowing we did everything humanly possible to make this last wee bit on her journey pain free. My mum was 4ft 10 but a giant in life, a life well lived... what a woman.

Thinking of you all just getting this sad news or working through it, my heart goes out to you but be strong, you can do it ️ ️ ️

Hello Elle2024, 

It's so nice of you to take the time to come back and update us. I am so sorry for your loss and wanted to send you our sincere condolences on behalf of the Cancer Chat team. It must be a relief for you to know that she was in no pain and comfortable supported by a fantastic team of carers, doctors and district nurses. I am glad you managed to get that help you needed and that she was pain free and peaceful in her final moments. 

We're thinking of you and your loved ones during this emotional time. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator