Hi 

My dad has stage 3 muscle invasive bladder cancer. He prefers to go to his appointments so far on his own so I do not get complete stories at times. He tells me some points and my sister others. We try to compare notes but my sister's attention span is poor so she is often distracted mid sentence and does not often take on what I am saying. My dad has to go for a pre operative stress test where his general health is tested prior to a cystectomy. I have been invited to this next appointment but I am not sure if I am just the chauffeur as the hospital he has to attend is 1 hour away. 

Last year my mum lost her fight to lung and liver cancer at the age of 69. She developed urosepsis which accelerated the progression of the disease. My parents kept the extent of her illness to themselves, which I know a lot of people think they did to protect us, but it was more of a shock when I eventually found out how poorly she was. 

Up until recently, I was in a relationship with a man with a stage 4 brain tumour. I was witness to the seizure that lead to the diagnosis. He was given 18 months to live, he has lived 5 years so far. Due to the nature of the disease or potentially his underlying personality, he could be quite aggressive with me. I cared for him as best as I could  but I felt he was asking for more than I could give, especially when my dad became poorly so I ended the relationship. I felt his priority was himself, his mum and his daughter, which is fine, but my mental and physical health did not seem important to him. He also used me a bit financially.

I work as a nurse and I feel I have been completed drained of compassion. I am worried it will affect my ability to offer the care I want to give my patients. 

I am just looking to speak to people in a similar situation to myself. Also to offer advice to others in my position if I can