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Trying to help my Mother caring for my Father with terminal Cancer.

Max2010
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I work offshore for 2 week home for 3 and my sister lives in Auz. My Mum have being doing great as she is 76 herself. She has always been very non stop busy but we manage to get Dad into a Hospice for 2 weeks to sort his pain out and respite for Mum, but she has become more hyper finding jobs in the house that really are not that urgent and she is getting really stress. She gets angry if I try to discuss and does not see these thing can be left for now. She won't listen and if I help to get them done she fines more. 

I'm really worried as she is looking quite un well and can't get her to slow down. She is burning herself out.

She has kidney disease so should not be getting stressed and sending her blood pressure through the roof.

Don't know who to talk to. Just need some help, don't know what to do.

Dad has improve loads in the Hospice but Mum is going down hill.

Dean

  • Hello Dean

    I'm sorry to hear about your Dad's diagnosis and the situation you've all found yourselves in. It's good to know that you were able to secure some respite for your Dad at the local hospice and that his health has stabilized since being admitted. 

    It's understandable that your Mum may be struggling with your things at the moment. It's probably been quite strange for her with your Dad being away and she may be feeling a little lost now that her caring duties have stopped for the moment. It sounds as if she's perhaps struggling with all that's been going on with your Dad's health, and with her own and so it's not hugely surprising that she's been resistant to your attempts to talk with her and help.

    Is your Dad still in hospice care at the moment? It may be worth talking with the staff there about how your Mum is coping. It may be that a gentle chat with someone from outside the family might help her. Or if your Dad and Mum are being supported by nurses at home, then you could speak with them about your concerns. 

    It's obviously a difficult situation for you all Dean and I do hope that your Mum and Dad can find the support that they both need. If you'd like to talk things through with one of our nurses you're welcome to call them on 0808 800 4040, Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm. I know they will be happy to listen and off any advice and information they can. 

    Best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator 

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Jenn

    Hi Dean what a lovely son you are its hard being at home when your hubby is off having treatment or care else where finding jobs to do in the house probably takes your mums mind of things by keeping busy

     I know you want to help and you are doing your best by asking for help 

    The moderator has covered what to do by asking for outside help but ask for yourself too at the hospice  they are there for all the family.

  • Offline in reply to Rhubarbdragon

    Thanks so much for your replies. Dada stayed in for another week as pain meds were unstable. He is coming home tomorrow. Hope his mental improvement continues. I'm back offshore Tuesday. for 2 weeks. Hope Mum is ok. X 

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