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Husband seeking attention from other women with cancer diagnosis

Kat-J
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My husband was diagnosed with bladder cancer and has started treatment, however I feel so resentful and hurt as he has told a lot of people including some single women who now want to rally around him! Why has he done that when I was being so supportive?

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    No doubt that is being disrespectful. A cancer diagnosis can change people, and not always for the best. When faced with your mortality, some can go into what we would class as a midlife crisis, whilst others push those closest to them away. It's a self-defence mechanism, and a mechanism to allow loved ones a chance to move on. It can even be a pride thing with a number of people because some people simply don't like the thought of their wife/husband/bf/gf seeing them ill and vulnerable.

    This has been played out many times on here. There's a few people on here currently going through what you're going through. Off the top of my head, there's even a woman who divorced her husband to spare him the grief, and to allow him to move on.

    There are others whose partners just needed time to get their head around it. I'm afraid only he can come to his senses. A cancer diagnosis is a shock for everyone, and good or bad, it changes your life.

  • Offline in reply to ProfBaw

    Thanks, whilst I understand he is going througb it, he needs to remember that so am I and to learn he has had women visit him when I am at work makes me so angry that all I can feel towards him is disgust as he is so insecure and would hit the roof if positions were reversed! 

    This should be a time when I shpuld be feeling more caring and supportive but now feel I cant even speak to him. 

    Appreciate your comments, thanks

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    It's very likely that he feels guilty about constantly looking to you for support or that he doesn't want to worry you, so he is sharing his concerns with people who are less likely to be upset or people he doesn't feel the need to protect because he doesn't love them. 

    It doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate your support or that these people mean as much to him as you do. It's quite possible he can talk to them BECAUSE they don't mean much to him and he doesn't feel guilty about worrying them or being a burden on them.

  • Offline in reply to MargaretMary

    Thanks for your reply, its great to see others perspective. 

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