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My dad's terminal, and has less than a year. But...

S.N.15
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My dad had cancer before. Managed to fight it away but it's come back and it's been deemed terminal. We as a family, while yes it's not nice and have been saddened by the news, are coping and understanding. 

My issue though, he lives hours away. And my daughter (3 years old) doesn't know yet. We believe she knows somethings going on somewhere though.

But how in the heck do you tell a 3 year old the news without 1, scoring them, 2 making it less serious than it is, 3 making sure they understand, 4, they don't take it too hard ....

Of course everyone and every child is different. And that will play it's part here, but I don't know how to tell her softly as I'm quite a direct person usually!

Saying he is not well won't suffice, as she understands the use of a hospital and doctors and will just say he needs to go doctors.

Just feel a bit lost of how and when to tell her! 

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    As her mum you will know her better than anyone, don't beat yourself up you are all going through enough as it is.

    We have had to have similar conversations but mine range from 6-13. We have used the word cancer as it helps normalise the word. Don't lie to her but start the conversation with an open mind, me personally I would start with you know how grandad has been sick, the doctors have said he has got something called cancer and he isn't going to get any better. He is going to be staying in a different place where there will be people all around him to make sure that he isn't hurting and he can have a good night's sleep.

    Let her ask questions and make sure that she knows that she is surrounded by love. It's ok to cry as well children need to know it's ok to feel what they are feeling.

    A piece of advice I was told which I think was great was pick a good time, not before bed, not before school and let them do something at the same time, drawing, eating anything so they don't have to sit there and stare you in the eye.

    I really hope it goes ok and remember there is lots of support if you need it as well ️

  • Offline in reply to GKC

    So a day or 2 after I posted this. My daughter looked up at me sat by the back door. She said "daddy, is grandad poorly" .. yeah, a 3 year old looking at me, asking directly.. hit hard. But I did pretty much as you said. I said he is poorly. He has cancer and the doctor said that they can't take it away. The only logical next step at the time was to use the dogs as examples (lost 2 dogs in last 2 years). Said grandad will join the doggies.

    She cried. It broke me. But moments later she was off playing again. 

    Was nice she asked as took alot of stress away how to tell her. But damn, daddy's little girl isn't so little anymore! 

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