Hello Mo1234, 

A very warm welcome to Cancer Chat. I am very sorry to hear about your dad's bladder cancer diagnosis - your story was very moving to read and it's really sad that he has been so confused and paranoid since being admitted last week. It sounds like this might be linked to his raised calcium levels according to what the medical staff have told you. It's difficult to know what to do in a situation like this and it must be incredibly hard to bear to see your dad in such a state of confusion. It sounds like he might need some help with dealing with this paranoia that there is a conspiracy against him and he is being scammed. Is there anyone at the hospice you could talk to who is in charge of mental health issues? They would be able I am sure to advise you further and point you in the right direction to ensure that your poor dad doesn't have such severe symptoms of paranoia as these will surely have an impact on his wellbeing at the moment. He definitely needs help to control these obsessive thoughts and this is not something you can easily help with so talk to someone at the hospice about this, preferably someone who is used to dealing with similar psychological issues. 

It must be hard to have to take a mobile phone away from a loved one but I can understand why you had to do it given he was making random calls in the night and that it was causing him a lot of distress. It's hard to know really what to do when he asks you to bring it back and I can imagine trying to explain this to him is not easy. Have an honest and open conversation with the hospice staff about the situation - I am sure they have come across similar patterns of behaviour before and they will be able to advise you on what to do and how to communicate with him without taking his reactions personally. 

This is such a difficult situation for you to have to witness and it's easy to feel powerless and unable to deal with this state of confusion but your support is I am sure very much appreciated and you are doing amazingly simply being there for him. 

Members of our community may have been in a similar situation and I hope that they will be along shortly to share their experience with you. 

We're thinking of you and your dad during this difficult time and I really hope that things improve quickly for him.

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hello Mo1234

I read your post with tears in my eyes.  I have recently been through a very similar experience with my darling Dad who sadly passed away in March.  My Dad became extremely confused and aggressive in the final days both verbally and physically.  I lost my 'real' beautiful, caring father and I totally understand how you are feeling.  My dad had to be heavily sedated at the end and when we were told to say our goodbyes he became very calm and apologised for his behaviour.  He said that it wasn't him and that he didn't know what his mind was doing.  I found the whole experience incredibly difficult and stressful but his words brought me comfort.  You know your dad's true personality.  I had to keep on reminding myself that dad's actions and words were not intentional.  In time the awful memories will be replaced by happier thoughts.

Sending you love and strength at this difficult time ️