Hi,

Thankyou for being brave and posting this. I can only imagine how hard it must be fore you to have to go through this with both your parents. My mum was diagnosed with stage 4 Oesophageal cancer in October and now I’m fearing she’s reaching end of life. I’ve only recently turned 25 myself. I left work in February to care for my mum and spend as much time with her as I can, and I’m so thankful that I did. We are young and have our whole lives to build a career or find our path, but our time with our mums is limited - make the most of it whilst you can. If you decide to leave work, make sure to make time for yourself still. It’s hard and normal to feel guilty about doing so but by taking care of yourself you can provide better care for her. Have a look on carers uk and your local carers group, there’s a lot of information and support you can get from there.

I feel the loneliness you feel too, as I’m sure many others do. It’s not fair that we have so much weight on our shoulders and whilst your friends may not be able to truly understand what you’re going through, the community on these forums do. Macmillen have a good forum that I have posted on previously and have recieved amazing support from. There’s also support you can get from your mum’s oncologist team/specialist nurse. Your local hospice will also be able to provide various therapies for both you and your mum, and may even have some fun activities you can do together. Don’t be afraid to ask. And don’t hold back on expressing your thoughts and feelings to the people closest to you. They might not know what to say but they’ll want to be there for you and most will listen with open ears happily.

Im sorry that I can’t be more helpful, Im struggling through this myself, just know you’re never truly alone. Even on your worst days. 

Sending my best wishes to you and your mum. Stay strong

I completely understand the feeling of constantly being in survival mode. When I was working I felt like I had no escape. I would spend anytime I wasn’t working with my mum and yet felt like I could never truly be present due to the chronic stress and anxiety I had. Leaving work did relieve a lot of that, but I guess the worries will never truly leave. If you’re unsure about leaving work completely, whether that be for financial reasons or as an escape, you could always try being part time first. 

When my mum was diagnosed the cancer had already spread to her lymph nodes and liver. She didn’t want to know her prognosis and the doctor never specified a stage. I hoped she was a stage 3 but I’m almost certain now it’s always been stage 4. Do you know where the cancer has spread to or how big the primary tumor is? My mum wasn’t eligible for surgery or immunotherapy. She had 3 rounds of chemotherapy and her CT scan in December looked promising with the tumours shrinking. She had another 2 rounds,  then a stent put in in February sure to her not being able to eat. Her following CT scan showed the tumours growing again so they changed her chemo to docetaxel, which she responded horribly to. She only had one round of that and they’re changing her now to paclitaxel once every week which should be more manageable for her. The issue is that she’s not able to have her chemo because she’s had various infections. She’s currently in hospital, not eating because she hates the food and looks really weak. The positive side though is I spoke to her doctor without her there and asked for a prognosis, which he said is 7 months with chemo. 7 months would be amazing considering I thought she had only a few weeks left. Sadly my grandma (my mum’s mum) has been diagnosed with bowel cancer too this week.

I have 4 older brothers but pretty much have dealt with the caring responsibilities on my own up until recently. My brothers are pretty useless, they’re dealing with it in their own way I guess. One of them has started to help out which is a huge relief. Which is why if you decide to be a full time carer, you need to make sure you take time for yourself still because it’s a lot to deal with on your own. If you speak to your local carers community they can provide support and take over care when you need a break.

whilst your mum is able to, take her on days out and make memories, you won’t regret it. My mum and I have spoken about watching mamma Mia in the west end, I only hope she becomes well enough again for us to go.