Hello all,
This is a wonderful resource for people going through this and reading posts has made me feel slightly less alone. I don't know what this post is - asking for advice or a stream of consciousness. My Grandad was diagnosed with an aggressive bladder cancer in 2023. He had a stroke around fifteen years ago meaning his treatment options were limited. He made the decision to refuse treatment and monitoring, so we've been in 'wait and see' mode. Since November last year he's had frequent hospital admissions. He was discharged on Thursday and the doctor has told us his life prognosis is poor, with his life expectancy in weeks rather than months. His medications have been withdrawn, he's now on pain relief only and we're in the process of trying to arrange at home hospice care.
I feel like my family have barely had chance to catch our breath since he was diagnosed. I come from a small family and lots of the sorting and care has fallen to me or my Mum. My Nan has dementia and is overwhelmed with everything and has shut down. I don't think I've had an opportunity to process anything yet and I've gone straight into making arrangements mode. The thing I'm struggling with the most, which I feel guilty to admit, is that my Grandad has become an awful person since his diagnosis. I don't recognise him as my Grandad anymore. I can only begin to try to understand the impact of the diagnosis on the person, which is complicated by his limited speaking ability due to the stroke. However, we're also coming to terms with it in our own ways. He has become verbally abusive to us. He's nicer to strangers, like carers and the hospital staff, than us. It takes my breath away sometimes. The way in which he speaks to my Nan, swearing and verbally abusing her when she's only trying to help him. I've had similar. I had a barrage of abuse yesterday and it's always over stupid things, like yesterday he was trying to do his cardigan up crooked so I offered to help. I've seen him to do the same to my Mum too and it fills me with rage. I hate the person he has become. He also expects us to do activities for him that we all know he's independent in, he never says please or thank you. He clicks his fingers at us, bangs his stick on the floor from upstairs for attention. He's thrown items too. Whatever we do, it's never enough and he never seems grateful.
As time goes on, I get the same advice of making the most of my time left with him. How can I make the most of this? It's replacing my memories of him with how he is now. It's only on this forum have I seen this matter discussed. I'm dreading having to make arrangements for his will, because I know I'll be in for a barrage of abuse or just not co-operating. I'm just trying to protect my Nan to ensure she has a roof over head when the time comes. Thank you if you've made it this far and any advice would be welcome.
