My husband was diagnosed on 8th April, after having tumour removed from perished kidney. Looking back, he had not been feeling completely well for at least a year, but kept dismissing it as a back ache.  He is due to start immuno treatment on Monday, he has a brain scan today to check it hasn't spread to that area.  There is already metastasis in his healthy remaining adrenal gland, back muscle near spine and nodules have been seen in his lung. He said that he has started getting headaches so is completely worried about the scan today.  It is heartbreaking to see him in pain and scared about the outcome.  I feel that being totally honest and knowing how aggressive this is, I can already see what is going to happen and it is making me feel almost like I am wishing this on him (totally illogical I know).  I have booked a mini break for us in-between treatment as I feel a sense of urgency to do everything that he ever wanted to do.  Is it selfish to keep visualising what life is going to be like without him? I think I am deep down preparing for the worst so that it doesn't hit me like a ton of bricks.  Can anyone please let me know about treatment results and my feelings (are they normal).