I have come from a family where death, dying, cancer and care have been prevalent throughout my life.

Our children  and immediate family have  faced funerals and us dealing with emotions and planning.

My partners family are persistent avoiders, do not plan or organise and avoid emotion around everything. My MIL has just been told (out of the blue after a year of recovering from heart surgery) that they think she has advanced cancer.

Due to her meds, heart issues and current symptoms, they can’t perform all diagnostics as quickly as they would like to. 

the family have had no deaths before, they are avoiding all conversations about planning for care, end of life and are approaching medical staff with anger and disdain when they are being told things that they don’t want to hear or provided with actions to support my MIL. My MIL is also resistant to hospital stays and equipment that will support her and taking advice.

it is very tiring and stressful to try to provide support when they behave in this way but on the flip side expect us to drop everything with our own family and children to make the situation our whole life.

has anyone else experienced this and can provide any advice as to how we can deal with this?