Hello REBECCA-N, 

You're certainly not guilty or selfish - what you are going through at the moment is truly heart-breaking and it is prolonged suffering for you as well to watch someone you love so much wither away. It must be truly distressing and it all happened so fast as it's only been 5 weeks since you learned he had cancer of his kidneys, liver, lungs and perhaps also brain. Seeing the person you love the most, who was once energetic and strong become suddenly so frail must be unbearable and I was so moved to read your story. 

I hope that you have a lot of love and support by your side to help you get through these tough moments. If you can manage to find a moment on your own without being heard when you want to talk to someone, I will give you one more number - the number of our cancer nurses which is free to call 0808 800 4040. Their helpline is open Monday to Friday from 9am to 5pm and they will be happy to listen and answer any questions you might have during this challenging time. 

Many members of our community will I am sure be moved to read your story as it might remind them of what they themselves went through as the carers of their terminally partner or of a loved one with cancer. I hope that they will come and say hello and share their story with you. They will I am sure tell you that it is very important to remember to care for the carer when someone is dying and there is support available to you too during this emotional time. Carers UK also provides information and emotional support through their helpline and website so don't hesitate to contact them too at any point. 

We're thinking of you and your partner and I hope that you will find a little bit of comfort on this forum and that you will get to talk to others who have been or find themselves in a similar place. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator