Palliative care

My husband has lung, brain and spinal cancer, it’s been a roller coaster with the lung first diagnosis, but a whole new level with the other 2 diagnosis. I’m terrified I already notice slight confusion and repeating himself! How do I deal with this ??!!! 

  • Hi Annie, I’m sorry to hear about your husband’s diagnosis. I wanted to acknowledge how difficult a time it will be for you as I am in a very similar situation. My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in 2020 and it has gradually spread to his abdomen, bones, liver and most recently in the lining of his brain which we found out a couple of weeks ago. I must admit this has definitely been the hardest thing to deal with as I wasn’t prepared for the challenges of his changing personality. My husband has always been a very organised and practical person but recently he has forgotten things and gets confused and his words muddled. He is really struggling with the fact he’s no longer allowed to drive and therefore feels he has lost his independence, he is only 46. I just try to take each day as it comes, some days are easier than others especially if he’s been quite agitated. Do you have support from the district nurse team and or palliative care? I’m sorry I don’t have any words of wisdom but wanted you to know you aren’t alone. Amy x

  • Hi Amy

    Thank you for your reply and I am so very sorry to hear your experience has been so awful in such a young man.
    This was my worry with the brain cancer as that was only diagnosed this week and already there are changes in his personality, they are minimal at the moment but still noticeable, slightly slurred speach when he’s very tired, Repeating himself and slightly irritable. He also shouts in his sleep but has never done that before ever.
    He is 71 but a very young 71 year old and I am 10 years younger. This has knocked me sideways.
    I really hope that life is not too daunting for you and we can all support each other as best we can on this forum.
    Take care Amy 
    Annie x
  • Thank you Annie, my husband has been put on some meds to help with his irritability etc so hopefully your husband’s medical team can help to manage his symptoms. I’m always here for a chat if you need to. I’m lucky I have support around me but it’s still very scary when you are living it. We have 3children and while they aren’t that young anymore I still want to try and protect them too so it’s a lot to take on. Take care and reach out when you need too x

  • Thank you Amy I will ask the medical team about that. Yes my boys are 33 and 35 one lives near London but is always coming down my eldest loves in Bristol not far but travels all over the country with his work. They are always there for me and I have very good friend and I work in the NHS, a lot of support but as you say at the end of the day it’s just the two of you.

    thank you for the advice and support, you reach out too if you need to.xx

  • Hi Annie, That’s good you have family and friends on hand when you need it. I’m not very good at asking for help but have realised that I need to look after myself too during this time so I’m getting better at sharing my struggles. We have had a good couple of days so I’m hoping it continues. I hope you have too. X

  • Hi Annie, my partner has lung cancer and we knew from the start it was palliative. He did have palliative radiotherapy a few months back and it did give him some respite for a while but sadly not now. I’ve noticed a marked change in his memory, cognition etc ( he’s 57) and that’s my concern as well but we’ve been told he won’t get any more scans etc to see how far it’s spread. 
    While I’m sad we even have to be on this forum it does help me to know I’m not alone. Please take care x