Hi everyone

I am new to this forum so forgive me.

Out of the blue my husband was diagnosed with esophageal cancer in December 2022.  

In February 2023, he began radiotherapy and chemotherapy to reduce the size of the tumor prior to surgery.

He went through an esophagectomy at the end of April 2023.  No-one could have prepared us for the hell that followed after the surgery.  My 16.7 stone husband shrank away to 12.7 stone in a matter of weeks.  He was absolutely unable to eat any kind of solid food or even to drink sips of anything.

He spent all day, every day in bed for months feeling wretched, weak, tired, and desperate for a flicker of light at the end of what was a very long tunnel.

The recovery from such major surgery was challenging to put it mildly.  But after 2 endo-stretches, at least he was able to eat some food, even if in small amounts.

We had hoped that would be the end of the word cancer but no ... in December 2023, he was told "over the telephone" that he had an inoperable tumor in his lung.  

Devastated does not seem to cover all the emotions we felt and are still feeling.

He is now on a 6-cycle chemo regime.  It is grim for him.  He has overwhelming fatigue and weakness.  He still spends most of his time in bed.  I realise some of this is because he is depressed living with the cancer diagnosis.  Being told he cannot be cured, only treated to hopefully provide a better quality of life and a longer life.

But as things are, this is not a better quality of life.  It is no life at all.  For either of us.  I work from home so that I can be with him all the time.  And of course, to avoid mixing with people to avoid germs and infections.

We see no-one from one week to the next (save for hospital visits).  We just have each other.  I feel useless and unable to help him.  I just watch him day by day find it harder to cope.  And he is still losing weight which is very troubling.

I completely understand everyone is different and reacts and responds differently to treatments and medications.  

But all we both want is just a little bit of normality to be able to feel that we are "living".

My heart goes out to all cancer sufferers.  It is only when you either experience it or witness it firsthand and live it every day, that you can take on board the enormity.

 Love and hugs to all.

x