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My amazing mum has a brain tumour - personality changes

L-laPJ
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Hi

Im so sorry to ask for advice before I’ve helped anyone else but I feel so lost and don’t know where to turn. My amazing mum is end of life… she had primary stage 1 lung cancer removed 2022 then from that point onward she was given the “all clear” but I noticed mum changing so much, at first she was just angry, lacking a bit in empathy, but I put it down to what she had been through? Last summer she started having what felt like totally unwarranted rages at me? I then had a really out of the blue health drama with my neck which resulted in me having to have major surgery and a big recovery last autumn…. When I came back to life properly my husband mentioned to me that my mum had been really odd and quite mean to my daughter during that time (something my mum would never ever of been, she always used to make it clear she was my and my daughters greatest fan!) if I hadn’t of been going through my operation I am sure I would of pushed her to get checked first? But I did before Christmas insist she see someone, they scanned her brain and from January when they told her she had a brain full of tumours I’ve lost more and more of my mum. I know this is nothing compared to what she is going through, and the doctors have explained to me that this isn’t my mum saying these things, it’s the cancer, but it’s still my mum who is furious with me. It’s always out of the blue but almost daily now, she suddenly turns on me and tells me “I’m a disappointment to her, selfish, disloyal, god so many more horrible things…. And I’m sttruggling so much as I know we are near the end and I don’t want to spend eternity thinking my mum felt that about me? I’m devisatated anyway to loose my incredible mum. I can’t step back from her as she has none else, no friends or partner, I’ve not got siblings etc… mum needs my help, but I can’t bear how much she is hating me. She told me today I made her cancer worse and she hoped I regretted this forever! Yet I’m honestly being really there for her, helping her every day, loving her, taking her everywhere’s etc …

so my question if you’ve made it this far is has anyone had similar and a) how did you self preserve these rages? B) how did you help your loved one not feel like this? 

thanks

and love to you all x

Parents
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    I'm so sorry you are in this position it sounds to me you love your mother very much and have a tight bond. What I can say is it sounds as if we are in the same situation  but the coin flipped, I have one child a daughter my beautiful daughter does everything for me, I had my cancer move to my brain multiple lesions ops, my daughter said I changed happy one minute then snappy and cruel, I as her mother love her immensely and when I remember what happens feel guilty that I should be punished I feel frightened but I love her so much, as of two weeks ago I lost my friendship with my best friend she text me saying I was calling her at three am in the morning abusive I honestly don't remember I text her to apologise perfusley as she wouldn't pick the phone up she text to say never call again. All I can say as a mother is I know your in pain but try and see your mother through your eyes as the mother who cared and was always there for you , this is not her fault if like me when she does remember she is most probably angry , frightened, my biggest fear is not being able to see my daughter please please don't lose faith I am a catholic prayer every y , if you believe in god even if your not religious try and pray by yourself he is there for all of us, but please love your mother and understand this is not her what she is saying is not her, the brain is very complex when damaged this is what sometimes happens , I'm here if you want to talk you sound like a lovely child and that's all because of your upbringing, god bless you I will put you in my prayers maggcarmen

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    I'm so sorry you are in this position it sounds to me you love your mother very much and have a tight bond. What I can say is it sounds as if we are in the same situation  but the coin flipped, I have one child a daughter my beautiful daughter does everything for me, I had my cancer move to my brain multiple lesions ops, my daughter said I changed happy one minute then snappy and cruel, I as her mother love her immensely and when I remember what happens feel guilty that I should be punished I feel frightened but I love her so much, as of two weeks ago I lost my friendship with my best friend she text me saying I was calling her at three am in the morning abusive I honestly don't remember I text her to apologise perfusley as she wouldn't pick the phone up she text to say never call again. All I can say as a mother is I know your in pain but try and see your mother through your eyes as the mother who cared and was always there for you , this is not her fault if like me when she does remember she is most probably angry , frightened, my biggest fear is not being able to see my daughter please please don't lose faith I am a catholic prayer every y , if you believe in god even if your not religious try and pray by yourself he is there for all of us, but please love your mother and understand this is not her what she is saying is not her, the brain is very complex when damaged this is what sometimes happens , I'm here if you want to talk you sound like a lovely child and that's all because of your upbringing, god bless you I will put you in my prayers maggcarmen

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