Last year in February my boyfriend fell sick and got diagnosed with Cancer, during that time of being unwell and severely loosing weight and have investigations/diagnostics, he pushed me away, and cut me off. We didnt speak for a month or so. But at some point during his time admitted to the hospital, he got back in touch, apologised and we went through the past year together supporting each other, he was diagnosed with stage 4 NPC which was metastatic, it spread to his liver where both lobes were affected and his spine/bones had lesions, his lymphnodes in neck were also affected and his prostate. The primary malignancy was in the fossa rosenmuller. Anyway he had chemotherapy which responded well but he has PNS in the V1 and V2 nerves, he continued chemotherapy and it stopped spreading,The liver resolved, the metastasis resolved, the cancer was shrinking, but  he did have side affects though at many points and complications such as low platelets and white blood count, being severely underweight, lack of appetite, etc, many points they considered a food tube because his weight was concerning and interupting his treatments, but he was able to continue and fortunately every complication would resolve, he would start to gain weight, then followed this with radiation, but again had complications, he had ulcers and damage to his throat and neck, and to one eye. He couldnt eat properly again, talk, swallow etc, he would be not gaining weight again, and his eye got infected, they gave antibotics but it wouldnt resolve, they gave pain medications and such to mamage symptoms but still the one eye was infected and unable to see and he couldnt eat well and struggled to swallow. After month of trying to treat the side affects, to no avail, they gave him eye surgery twice, he had some sort of membrane graft. His eye did finally resolve, his eating improved a little slowly but the throat and nose continued to stay affected and his appetite low. But eventually he was discharged from hospital and given tablet form chemotherapy to continue at home. He had spent 11 months in hospital being treated and finally was able to go home and be treated, i think he responded well and was going towards remission… but he had told me he was getting spinal pain in his lower waist again (assuming from all the bed rest and hospitalisation / inactivity we thought) he has now been home one month and seemed a lot better and happier but weak and exhausted…then suddenly two weeks ago he started to feel more worn out and tired, his nose keeps running with some sort of sinus / cold / type infection which honestly has been there the entire year and never stopped being block or like cold sounding nasal type but now its starting to always run and blowing his nose so often, whereas before it just seemed chronically blocked forever but didnt run or need blowing…then shortly afterwards he started to have a blocked ear feeling and and a jaw locking feeling, sometimes headaches, sometimes light sensitivity, sometimes pain across the eye brow and cheekbone. Its all on the side he had the eye surgery (wondering if its some side affect or complication to that and nerves maybe? or can it be symptoms of his NPC? or due to a cold/infection illness and too much screentime maybe? He is an avoidant type person and retreats into himself so spends heavy time on his device gaming or watching films and listening to music…) anyway he then also had a checkup and bloodwork at home and discovered he had low blood pressure, since this hes slowly distanced himself and not really opened up or told me much more… the last i heard was he should get admitted for checkup for the low blood pressure side affects and then he also had his follow up coming this march anyway back at the cancer hospital, so he recently travelled back to the cancer hospital he was treated at before for that checkup but i havent spoken to him still as hes basically ghosting me…he wont send any updates and left me on read… he did prior tell me he needed space and will talk with me once hes more well again cos his side affects are bad but hes not even giving any updates and completely cut me off rather than just taking space normally…i think hes retreated inwards again like last time…but idk what to do this time, how to respect him, how to help him, how to be supportive, last time he cut me off but i was very persistent on standing by and trying to be there cos i knew hes an alone person and very lonely and well he had a rough childhood and was abandoned a lot through life…i didnt want to be pushed away and it work and be another person he felt abandonned by, and we resolved things and then faced the year together so… but this time, its not like that just a little similar and im not sure how to support or helo this time, i dont want to make him feel worse or overwhelm him, but i also dont want to leave silence between us for so long and leave him on his own… but he left my last two texts on read and theres been silence for days/week. And the last proper conversation we had was two weeks ago, since then it was slowly distancing and only two calls which ended with a misunderstanding/fight and abruptly being hung up. I texted some hours after the last cut call to apologise and explain how i felt and that ill try to be supportive and understanding in the ways he needs instead…ie giving space and not getting upset overthinking etc…cos im pretty anxious person…and wished him well, told to have safe journey and checkup. Then i didnt make contact cos wanted to respect space…so instead i asked his sister(technically cousin but raised in same house) yesterday if he reached the hospital okay, and if she would let me know how his checkup goes when she hears anything from his dad/her uncle…so i dont disturb him…but then suddenly that evening i was thinking anout how he might be feeling and if hes scared cos he only shuts everyone out when hes struggling…so i did send one text just saying i love you. And went to sleep. I saw he read it early morning at 5am and ive been left on reas again basically. So i wont text again and give space but it hurts a lot…and idk if its okay to text every now and then befre bed just to check in with him and let him know im still here or not…idk if its making him more suffocated and feel worse whilst needs space or if its maybe needed a bit cos dealing internally all alone with everything and shut himself down? So id appreciate some advice? And introspective? As i dont trust my own anymore… 

Hes a very affectionate and close person with me usually but has always had avoidant tendencies and avoidant attachment style / personality… hes very resilient and dependent on himself, maybe too much…he tries to handle and manage and endure everything on his own, always has been that way, but did start opening up and letting me in through the past year so idk why suddenly shut me out again and felt he couldnt lean on me and be vulnerable like used to during all the treatments…

sometimes i wonder if hes trying to be protective? But for who? Himself or me? I have a feeling he is worried about his cancer and maybe thinks hes getting worse…because of some habits and qwuestions in the past months and now the fact hes behaving suddenly this way again…he did it last time cos he thought he wont make it…so im wondering if perhaps he thinks hes relapsing and unable to make it again…

he was very very lucky to have had this year, his prognosis originally wouldnt have normally made past 2-3 months, but here we are a year later… i just hope the chemo tablets were working at home still and he was still heading towards remission, it would absolutely suck if it was spreading again and he has to be admitted again…he endured so much and wanted to go home desperately and then got only a few weeks at home with side affects…to be admitted again will maybe devastate him…

so yeah idk what to do other than wait…