It’s a strange situation isn’t it. I find that sometimes I feel quite numb and feel as if I’m watching it happen to someone else. I’m sorry I don’t have much advice. It’s understandable that you don’t feel ready to tell others yet because saying it out loud makes it feel more real. I think that at the moment you should prioritise making memories. I regret not having more fun times during the past year. It’s difficult when the one you love feels tired but try to find things you enjoy together.  You will need to talk to friends and will find the right time to talk. I have also rung the Samaritans a few times as I feel I can tell them absolutely anything without judgement. You’ll find the strength to cope but take things one day at a time and look for the things you can enjoy together right now.