Hi everyone. 

I've been caring for my OH since his diagnosis last june. 

He's undertaken 4 rounds of chemo, had a total gastrectomy,  and now he's completing his last rounds of chemo,  2 left to go. 

Its been hard, as you all know.  And the last chemo has been particularly hard, which they said it would be. 

But, he's doing very well. 

His cancer was scar tissue when they removed his stomach in October,  and all 22 lymph nodes were clear, and it hadn't spread anywhere else. 

We know and understand how lucky he's been, it's been a miracle really. 

So, even though I'm elated with the news, I mean, it couldn't get any better, why is it suppressed with negative thoughts? 

Yes, I'm scared for him if it returns in the future,  I'm scared for myself in case I develop cancer, I've seen what he's been through and I'm terrified.  

Shouldn't I be shouting from the roof tops, He's Beat It! ..? 

I feel ever so numb, scared, even unbelieving. It's so weird! 

Thanks for reading,  xx