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My mum has become angry

Dito09
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My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer in April, she’s had to do 8 rounds of chemo, she’s just had her last round, she will then start her radiotherapy in the new year along with more surgery. I am hugely proud of how well she’s handled this last year, she’s been a true wonder women! However I feel sometimes she gets very angry very quickly. I’ve always helped my mum to the best of my ability, when she had her first lot of surgery I went and stayed with her for about 2 weeks, the whole way through her treatment I’ve done everything I could to make her life easier, this includes going over of my evenings to help cook, buy food, help with her house work, help with my little sister who lives with her (she’s only 15) I basically go over every evening in the week to help provide and cook food to take that burden away as I know she’s struggling financially, I’ve also given small sums of money out to help in the past. I have a boyfriend (I’m 24, he’s 29) that I struggle to see as we live an hour apart and I tend to only see him of a Sunday so that I’m then free the rest of the time to help out as needed, I also have 2 other sisters (one my twin 24 and 27) I was with him yesterday and it had causes such a huge thing, I’ve been told I should help more not just when it’s convenient for me, that I’m a disappointment and that I should go *** myself, I’m also being threatened that I now can’t spent Christmas with her. I’m really upset with this because I’m still happy to help her around my plans with him and it’s the only day Ive found I’ve not been available 24/7 but I’m also trying to build a life with him (we are looking at moving in together) but I feel I’m being made to feel guilty for trying to carry on with my normal things while also making sure I’m still helping her to my best ability. I feel really guilty saying this as id love just to take her pain away but I feel like the pain is also aimed at me at times when I’m trying my best to work and help her and hold my relationship together. I just struggle to communicate this sometimes and want to know if anyone has been through similar and can help 

Thanks L

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    Hi Dito,

    A very warm welcome to our forum.

    I am so sorry to hear of the situation that you find yourself in. Are you getting any help from your 2 older sisters? It sounds as if they need to step up to the plate and take their turn in caring for your mum. Unfortunately, anger and frustration can creep in with this disease. I know just how hard it can be to take this, when you are doing so much. Try not to take it personally, as I'm sure that this is not aimed at you, but more at the cancer.

    Talk to your sisters and explain that you can no longer cope with all this on your own and need some help. If you could all take it in turns, this would give you more time to spend with your partner and hopefully, salvage your relationship.

    Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

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    Hi L,

    That sounds awful.

    I’ve every sympathy with your Mum but she needs to realise that she’s being unreasonable.

    Maybe you could tell her that, much as you love her, you won’t be spoken to or treated this way. If that doesn’t have an immediate effect, tell her you’ve had enough and that you’re taking a few days off and won’t be going round until the middle of next week to avoid the risk of you saying something you might regret. 

    She’s a grown woman, not a child, you have your own life to lead and need to find a balance between her needs and those of you and your boyfriend. Too many sons and daughters allow their lives to be defined by the health conditions of a parent. That isn’t healthy for the parent or their son or daughter.

    Best wishes
    dave

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