Hi Katherineh

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this and feeling so unsupported.  I am afraid that I had similar problems when trying to help my father look after my mum at the end of last year. 

She was diagnosed with widespread secondary breast cancer,  the hospital supposedly organised emergency carers to come in twice a day (at that time I was not living with them and my 83 year old father had been trying to cope on his own), however in a 10 day period of time, the carers cancelled on us 6 times, at the time I was suffering from a really bad cold and was trying to ensure that I didnt pass it onto my mum, but ended up having to be there to help dad, hoping that me wearing a face mask would protect her.

Unfortunately I think that whilst the patient has a relative looking after them at home, the doctors and nurses just think that they can forget about them.  It wasnt until I broke down in tears to a palliative care nurse that I called out one evening for the pain that my mum was in, that things started happening.  I had to admit that I couldnt cope, which was really hard as I was trying so hard to be brave for my dad.

Your mum's gp should refer her through to the palliative care team in the community, who should come around and talk through things with your mum, like where she wants to end her days, either hospital, hospice or at home.  They can also add her to your local palliative care list for out of hours problems, which means you can call them direct in case she gets worse at night instead of calling 111.  You can also talk to them about support from carers if you dont already have that in place.

I really hope that you have some other family to support you, as this is a really tough thing that you are going through.

Sorry that I don't have any proper solutions to your problems, but I just wanted you to know that I understand how you feel.

Best wishes

Annie