Trying to motivate dad years later

In 2008 my dad got diagnosed with a brain tumour. We were told it was stage 4 going into 5. However after surgery and radiotherapy he pulled through. There has always been a small amount of tumour left but it is monitored for growth. 
We knew there would be some changes physically and mentally for him. He was medically retired from police force and Air Traffic control which took a toll on his mental health.

over the years his body has aged quickly due to the treatments. He’s only 65 But I find it hard to motivate him to get up everyday. His life for years has become watch tv and go to bed. He has falls and Stumbles often and been in hospital with multiple broken bones. The treatment left him with soft bones and osteoporosis. It’s left him where he can only walk room to room. I’d love to get him active and walking but I’ve tried so much and it doesn’t work. Im getting married next year so trying to motivate him with that but atm not working. He’s lost a lot of his life but he’s here today I just don’t know how to get him to see that and start walking. I’ve taken over most of his paperwork now and keep on top of everything in his life but I struggle trying to run my own home and job. Can anyone suggest anything I can do to get him moving. I’ve tried a sit down bike, charts, rewards, days out. I’ve stopped him driving as I think it’s a danger he can’t use his legs well. When he got diagnosed I was 16 and since then looked after him. But as years are going by I’m increasing more tired and stressed :( 

  • Hello Laura1992

    I'm sorry to hear about your Dad's previous diagnosis and the situation that you now all find yourselves in. It's understandable that you want the best for your Dad and natural that you're feeling tired and stressed. 

    Caring for a loved one who has been through any kind of health problem can be hard and when you've been caring for such a long time it leaves you experiencing a whole range of emotions. 

    You don't mention in your post if your Dad, or you as his carer, have any outside support and I wonder if now might be the time for the two of you to talk about asking for some support. This could be support from the GP with his mental health, support from the local health board frailty team to try and improve his mobility and safety at home, and support for you as a carer. It may be that your Dad is able to access local services where he can go out and meet other people, this may boost his mood and in turn, impact his motivation to become more involved in daily living tasks. It's worth chatting with your Dad and seeing if he's open to talking with the GP about looking to improve his health. 

    I also wanted to give you the link to Carers Trust where you'll be able to find lots of information and advice that may help you. 

    I do hope that you're able to find the support that you both need to improve things. 

    Best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator