Mother has pancreatic cancer with metastasis on the liver

I living in different country then my mother, I left 13 years ago as I wanted to start a new life. My mother is living with my dad, she was recently admitted to the hospital where the doctors discover that she have pancreatic cancer with metastasis on the liver. When I heard news a broke down and cry and decided to travel to my home country. I thought I can look after her as best a could, but she turned to be more abusive then before towards me and my dad ( she was always like that but the illness tripled it). My dad is sleeping poorly and said he won't know what to do without me as I'm keeping him sane. I can't stay long and eventually I need to go back. This situation is taking emotional tool on me. My mother is refusing psychological intervention or help through the antidepressants. She is picking small things such a ham which my dad bought doesn't have 90 percent of meat only 82 percent etc. and she expecting that we will jump around her when she feels like it despite she can do lots of things for herself. She refusing to go out and she spending her days going from one room to another staying in pyjama day and night .It's exhausting, my dad only wish now she is taken to hospital and stay there to give him respite as she has been like this for several months and it's not the end yet. We try our best for her but she just treat us as her servants. In one hand I wish she is rather death on the other hand she is my mother and if I leave I might not see her again alive, but what's left from her is tragic. 

  • Hello Ada333, 

    I am so sorry to hear your mother has been diagnosed with metastatic pancreatic cancer. It can't be easy for you especially if you are living in a different country from your mother. It was really nice of you to travel to her country to see her but it must have been really tough for you to have to put up with all this once there. It sounds like your dad has been very grateful to have you by his side but it's completely understandable that you can't stay with them forever and will have to go back to the country where you currently live. 

    It's a shame your mum is refusing psychological help and that she is making your dad's life difficult by losing her temper easily. What a difficult situation this must be for those around her who love her and want to help and be there for her but who at times may feel powerless. I am not sure what kind of practical support is available for your dad in the country where they live but it might be worth finding out if your dad can find ways to get a little bit of a break from time to time to recharge his own batteries. Being a carer is by no means easy and it's often a very emotional time for everyone involved. 

    There is useful information on our website targeted for Family, Friends and Caregivers which offers great tips to help you support someone with cancer but also to ensure the carer takes a little bit of time to take care of himself/herself. We're thinking of you and your family during this challenging time and wanted you to know that you are not alone. Other members of our community will have been through this before and will understand what you are currently going through, the physical and mental exhaustion too that often goes with it and I hope someone will be along shortly to share their experience with you. 

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator