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Supporting my good friend after she was diagnosed with cancer.

Alex357
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Hello everyone. It’s my first time posting on here, and as you have probably guessed, the situation is not great. Last week my very good friend told me that she was diagnosed with advanced cervical cancer. And given how much I care about her, that news absolutely broke my world. 

The moment I found out about it, I told her that I would still be there for her, support her and help her. However, ever since receiving that news, we rarely spoke to each other. Sometimes she may not respond to my messages for few days, and sometimes it makes me worried about her and I start thinking if something might have happened. I had never been in a situation where my family or friends had been diagnosed with cancer, so I don’t have experience on how to behave in such situation. I respect her personal space and I do not want to be too intrusive by constantly messaging her. But at the same time I want to show her that I’m there for her if she needs anything. Could you give me some advice on how to behave in this tough situation? Also, if anyone has had a similar experience, I wanted to ask if it is quite common for a person to isolate him or herself and stop communicating for a while after being diagnosed with cancer? Thank you very much for your help everyone! 

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    Hello

    You sound like the most wonderful supportive friend. I am recently ‘diagnosed’ (not formally yet but they’ve told me they are almost certain) with colorectal cancer and I think your friend, like me, is probably feeling completely overwhelmed.

    I find I receive a lot of messages but don’t always have the energy to respond. I think people want updates and to know what the plan is, but I won’t know that for a while and so it’s very hard for me to answer. It feels like too much to keep up with everything so maybe your friend is experiencing this too? What I would say is that I appreciate every message I receive even if I don’t reply.

    Something else you could try is being really specific about your offer of help? E.g. sending a numbered list of ‘offers’ like 1. I could drop some shopping round 2. I could pop round on XXX for a chat 3. I can send you a care package in the post 4. I don’t need to do anything at all right now but you know I’m thinking of you. The phrasing on those is terrible but you get the idea! 

    I hope some of that helps and well done for seeking support :)

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