Why am I so angry

My husband was diagnosed with bowel cancer and liver cancer in May this year. He has just had his first IV chemotherapy today. I don’t understand why I am so angry and taking it out on him. I’m blaming him for getting cancer even know I know it’s not his fault. I’m blaming him for putting our kids and me through this. I’m just so angry and I shouldn’t be, I should be supporting my husband, instead I’m just horrible to him. Is this normal??

  • Hello Munchkin81

    I'm so sorry to hear about the situation that you find yourself in. Undoubtedly this will have been a difficult time for you all since your husband's diagnosis and it's understandable that you will be feeling a lot of different emotions. 

    I know that we will have members here who have had similar experiences and hopefully, they will post to share their advice with you but in the meantime, I really want to encourage you to reach out for some support. Having a loved one with a cancer diagnosis is hard. Caring for them is hard. Add in caring for your family and all the other daily life expectations that you also have to juggle, or now take on board, it's a great weight to have to carry. Do you have friends or family that you're able to talk with or who can help? I know that sometimes it's much easier to talk to someone from outside of the immediate family and friends circle. If you'd prefer to do this then I'd suggest getting in touch with a charity such as Maggies.  Alternatively, you can talk with one of our nurses for some support and advice. They're available Monday to Friday 9 am to 5 pm and I know they will be happy to listen. It might also be an idea to sit and talk things through with your husband and explain how you're feeling. I know that lots of members here have posted about the importance of communication between loved ones whilst going through cancer. This is going to be a difficult time for you both and if you're able to keep that communication open between the two of you, hopefully, it will help make things a little easier. 

    Keep in touch Munchkin81. This is a safe space for you to offload and chat with others who understand. We'll do our best to support you. 

    Best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator 

  • Hi Munchkin,

    This isn’t normal - but frankly nothing is normal in these circumstances. You are scared and lashing out at the wrong person which you know is unfair … otherwise you wouldn’t have posted on here. Chemo is scary but at last he hasn’t given up and is willing to go through the treadtment to buy more time for you all. 

    Short term your behaviour will add to his emotional pain and stress. Longer term you’ll feel guilty has hell that you weren’t supportive when he and your kids needed you most. 

    Seek help, even if that’s just someone to offload your frustration onto. Communicate with him, even if that’s just a text saying “sorry for shouting but I’m scared for you”.

    Good luck!

    Dave