Hello Jayney79

I'm so very sorry to hear about your Dad's diagnosis and that since he's become ill you've struggled to be able to keep in contact with him. It's understandable that you have been upset and scared at the prospect of seeing your Dad differently since he's become ill. 

Have you been able to keep in touch via phone with your Dad, and Mum? Is a phone call or a text message a way that you could reach out to them to break the ice and try to maintain some kind of contact? I can understand that a visit may feel like too much at the moment but it's important to consider how you may feel when your Dad is gone and how you may feel about missed opportunities to talk with him. 

You mention in your post that you lost your sister a few years ago and it sounds as if you really struggled with that loss. It's good that you're able to recognise that you didn't deal with her loss very well and that you turned to some unhelpful coping mechanisms. It's understandable that you may be feeling worried about how you will cope when your Dad passes. 

Please do reach out to your GP. They will be able to help with some advice to make sure that you have the support in place that you need when your Dad does eventually pass away. I also wanted to remind you that the Samaritans are available 24/7 with a listening ear if you are ever struggling, particularly if the intrusive thoughts return. 

In the meantime, be kind to yourself Jayney. Take each day at a time and try not to look too far head to the future. 

I hope that you're able to find the strength to get in touch with your Dad and Mum. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator