Straining family relations following diagnosis

Hi all,

I'm not sure what to write so here goes. Dad (63) has in the last 6 months received the horrible news that a melanoma which was removed c.18months ago has metastasised and spread and is now inoperable. He's undergone a 2nd round of immunotherapy which has not been successful and has recently been accepted on to a clinical trial 

Mentally, my Dad was in a really dark place the first time round and now with this 2nd diagnosis, we can see him struggling and saying/doing some worrying things and we (sister and myself) don't know where to turn for help and support which is making a strained relationship all the more difficult. 

If anyone has any signposting of where to turn for family help and support I would really appreciate some advice as we're really struggling to know how best to support him and be there for him with the relationship as it currently is, at such a difficult time.

If anyone is in a similar position, please do reach out and perhaps we can connect. Thinking of you all.

Thank you so much in advance.

  • Hi Squidney,

    A very warm welcome to our forum, although I am so sorry to hear why you're here. It is not at all unusual for someone to be in a very dark place mentally, upon receiving a cancer diagnosis. It is all the harder when they are told that it is inoperable. 

    Your dad must feel very let down that his 2nd round of immunotherapy has not worked, but I do hope that he benefits from the clinical trial that he has just been accepted for. I have to admit that I unintentionally gave my daughter a particularly hard time after I was first diagnosed. I had lost my mum to breast cancer and was convinced that I was going to go the same way. We were both heartbroken at this break in our relationship and sought the help of a counsellor, at a Maggie's Centre. At the time, we didn't feel that this did any good, but in retrospect, it did help both of us and I am glad to say that everything is now back on track. 

    Maggie's Centres are dotted all around the country and offer counselling to cancer patients and/or their families. Their telephone numbers are on line and all you have to do is to make an appointment for counselling, which is free. You can also pop in for a cuppa and a chat any time. Other such centres are run by The Haven, & Marie Curie. There are many charities which offer such services throughout the country and they are free of charge. Ask at your dad's GP practice or look for local centres on-line.

    I have been through this with my mum and father-in-law and it is a difficult road to travel. This is the time when you feel that you should be making memories with your dad instead of being at odds with one another.

    There are many people on this site too, who have first hand experience of  melanoma and I'm sure that they will be only too happy to support you.

    Please keep in touch and let us know how you're getting on. We are always here for all of you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • Hi Squidney,

    I've sent you a friend request. If you accept it I can send you a private message with some details to signpost you to support. Best wishes to you all,

    Angie (Stage 3 melanoma patient since 2009)