Hi,

My mum was diagnosed almost 3 years ago with Ovarian Cancer. Everything has been fairly under control after 6 sessions of chemo and debulking surgery resulting in NED around 2 years ago and being on niraparib.

After experiencing slight bladder issues before Xmas she quickly lost all bladder control and had an op booked for January to remove some thickening on her bladder which turned out to be the return of cancer. Her kidneys also failed following this op and now has 2 nephrostomy bags. She then began struggling with her breathing and we have since found out that this was due to fluid on her lungs (due to the cancer).

She's mentally not coping that well right now, whereas she's been so amazing with her positivity.  She's having reoccurring infections and feels like life is no longer the same. She loves being active, going on bike rides and walks, looking after her 3 young grandchildren and does a lot of volunteering.  Sadly she doesn't have the health to be able to do these things any longer like she used to and it's really getting her down to know how much she has declined. 

I began working full time in a new role in my company just before Xmas. Its been hard as I still have young children and a partner that works nights but it's been extra hard focusing on learning my new role and trying not to seem an inconvenience to my Manager.  They have been so understanding so far and allowed me to spend time with mum in hospital for a couple of days in January. I haven't really explained fully what Mum is going through but I am worried I may have to start being there for Mum a bit more as I don't know how much time she may have. 

I find I am ridden with anxiety of how to support Mum and how to not feel like I'm not being a burden to my new team. I have worked for the company for 13 years but I struggle to speak about how unwell she is as we as a family have always tried to be positive about the future but I have to be realistic She's not great right now. 

I feel very overwhelmed with my situation and had I known Mum would take a turn for the worst I probably would have stayed put in my old role as I feel there isn't much communication between me and my Manager as I am being allowed to just get on with the job. 

I'm not sure why I'm posting this really other than to ramble as I don't really talk about this but after an emotional weekend of my Mum being in tears and feeling mentally and physically unwell I just feel at a loss. I don't want to feel any regret about not being there but I don't want to take time off work 'too soon' or 'too late'.