Hello H313N39

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis and the situation that you find yourself in. Caring for your husband, children, and the news about your mother-in-law is a huge undertaking; with all the other things you've mentioned, it's no surprise that you feel overwhelmed. 

A cancer diagnosis can sometimes bring out negative behaviours in people. You're not the first member to post here on the forum to have experienced changes in a loved one's attitude. Whilst some of these behaviour changes may be attributable to treatments or the disease, it doesn't make it OK for you to be on the receiving end of things. 

It's good that you've already thought about reaching out to Maggie's for support although I'm really sorry to hear that your husband is resistant to visiting in person. If he's unable to be left alone then I don't know if it's feasible for someone to come and stay with him whilst you make an appointment. I understand that that might be difficult to arrange or that you may fear his reaction. 

If practical then you might want to consider reaching out for some telephone support from agencies in the first instance. Maggie's are often able to provide telephone support with their cancer support workers. Alternatively, You might also find it useful to talk to someone at Relate about the difficulties you are having in your relationship. They offer a range of digital and telephone counselling services, you can call them on 0300 0030396 to discuss whether this is something you might find useful.

You mention in your post that your husband is ok towards other people but the nastiness is directed towards you and the children.  I don't know if you've spoken to anyone outside of the home about how things have changed and deteriorated at home. As you've said in your post that your husband has unintentionally hit you in his sleep, it's really important that you consider your physical safety. I'd really encourage you to make an appointment to talk with your GP about your situation. Talking with a health professional about the situation at home may be the first step to improving things for everyone. Alternatively, you might want to talk with an agency such as Women's Aid for some advice. 

I don't know what your support network is like H313N39 but hopefully, you have some good friends around you. Lean on them for support. I'm sure they would want to help just as you would if the circumstances were reversed. It can be really difficult to reach out for support but often taking those first steps to ask for help is the hardest and it can become easier from there. 

If you'd like to talk with one of our team of nruses you're welcome to call them on 0808 800 4040, Monday to Friday 9 am to 5 pm. 

Keep in touch and let us know how things are going. We're here to listen and offer any support that we can. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator