Hello, this is kind of a complicated story so bare with me.

My partner has been suffering with stage 4 terminal brain cancer for the past 5 years and is currently undergoing chemotherapy for the second time. She is 26 and her cancer has metastasised. We met around 2 years ago and lived together in the pandemic (she was not in treatment at the time and was very high functioning), and then we broke up because I was not happy in the relationship at the time. We moved in together too fast and in a studio room with nowhere to go because of covid which was bad for our dynamic. I always loved her and thought about her often after the breakup, at the time when we first met I was still a girl at only 20 and really struggling with borderline personality disorder so it seemed like right person wrong time. We ended up meeting again last summer unexpectedly, fell in love again, and though my mental health problems were still an issue we were working together much better than before. 3 months later, a brain scan showed that her tumour was active again and she'd have to go on chemotherapy for a year. I was scared and devistated but instantly took on the role of caregiving. Of course I always knew this would be a possibility, I always knew that she has a terminal illness from when we first met, but you never really know how you're going to cope when it really happens. I guess her cancer didn't really feel real until she started treatment. She has outlived her prognosis and most other glioblastoma patients, I am hopeful that she can be one of the rare longterm glioblastoma survivors even though her cancer has spread. She is the strongest person I have ever met and she rarely cries or shows fear, she takes every day as it comes and is an extremely positive and amazing person. I honestly love her so much.

I truly feel that she is my soulmate but honestly I am struggling in this relationship. I am 23 myself and I have BPD  and hypermobile ehler's danlos syndrome. I am slowly learning to cope & recover from my BPD but it is a lifelong serious mental illness that is extremely difficult to deal with for me as well as my loved ones. My EDS affects my joints (I have frequent dislocations), my energy levels, bladder, etc but I consider it to be a fairly mild disability. I want so badly to be the person that can love & care for my partner through her cancer battle but I am beginning to question whether or not this is something I can actually sustain. I feel like my whole life has changed. I don't have a job, I rarely go out or wear nice clothes, I have kissed my sex life goodbye, and our relationship has changed so much. Its hard to go from feeling like a girlfriend to feeling like a carer or a roommate. Of course none of this is my partner's fault, she can't help being ill and she does have days where she gets energy to do things. She encourages me to go out and meet with friends, and says that I don't have to look after her but I feel that I do. I don't know how she would look after her dog, eat, remember her pills etc if I didn't help her. Her mother offers to look after her but she is an alcoholic and left my girlfriend to battle cancer alone the first time she went through chemo. She is unfit to care for her in my opinion, but I don't know if I'm fit either. Since I already have BPD relationships are generally much more difficult for me than for normal people, and the changes in our relationship as well as the anxiety and grief surrounded her illness are very hard dor me to cope with. To be honest, I didn't think a lack of sex would be this big of a problem for me but thats one of the things that brings me the most frustration, guilt, and insecurity. I know that her lack of libido has nothing to do with me but the fear that we will never have sex again and that all the passion between us is dying is playing on my mind. Can I be happy in a relationship like this? And am I sacrificing too much knowing that I will possibly never again be fulfilled and happy in this relationship? Its not all doom and gloom - we still laugh together a lot and show affection, and she has all the best qualities anyone could ever wish for in a partner. I just don't know what to do, or if this is too much for me. She is the person I envision marrying. Going on dates and having sex isn't the most important thing in relationships, and I don't want it to be, but I'm having trouble shutting down that part of myself and completely denying my needs in those areas. I really don't know. I feel like a horrible person for even thinking these things when my partner is literally facing life and death.