Hi,

I feel so lost at the moment. My Mum was diagnosed with liver cancer 18 months ago and has been having treatment. Surgery was not an option due to other health issues but with chemo/ r'therapy all seemed to be going in the right direction. During a scan last week it's been confirmed that the cancer has returned in the liver and has now spread to her lungs. 

We lost my beloved Dad to metastatic malignant melanoma 12 years ago, and seeing him decline so quickly is something that has never left me or my brother and sister. He went from being an energetic, sturdy man to being a gaunt shell, paralysed and in a coma in a hospice bed in under 6 months.

I'm trying so hard to be strong and as supportive as possible to my Mum as I know she must be going through hell, but I keep reliving what happened with my Dad, to the point where I'm awake all night with horrific images from my memory going through my head and filled with all consuming anxiety that my Mum might be facing the same, painful and terrifying decline. 

I feel so incredibly selfish- how can I be any help to my Mum when I can't pull myself together?