Hi Stardust,

A very warm welcome to our forum.

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. It is difficult to give you definite information when we don't know what type or stage of cancer this person has, as all cancers tend to be specific to the person who has them. With time, you may feel more able to share some of your story with us and we can give you more specific help. Nothing you say here will shock us, as nearly all of us have experienced this disease first-hand and know how worrying it can be.

There are a number of different types of each sort of cancer. Some are more aggressive than others, some can be treated, whilst some of the latter stages, can be untreatable. The type of surgery and treatment that we have depends on these factors, allied to our ages and the state of our general health.

Can I be hypothetical here and say that if you know this person well, then just act as normal and be there for them. You may find that they are frightened, worried about spread or recurrence of the disease. You will only discover this by asking how they are feeling, genuinely listening to what they say and trying to support them in as positive a way as possible.

You may be able to help this person to draw up a list of any questions they may have for their care team - you might think of additional questions that haven't occurred to them yet. It is always helpful to take a list of questions to every appointment, as these often change along our cancer journeys.  Do they have to have surgery or treatment? If so, they may need particular clothing for a hospital stay or there may be things that you could  find to help with their treatment, reading material can also be useful.

There are so many different ways that you can help and I'm sure that the main thing is to keep communication chanels open. Many of us find that our friends drift away when we get a cancer diagnosis, as they are awkward and don't know what to say. We are still the same people that we always were - admittedly you may find that our moods fluctuate like the weather and we can sometimes give our loved ones a hard time, but if you're prepared for that and don't take offence, you'll be a real help.

You are not being negative in any way. I commend you for seeking answers to this difficult situation. You will find that much of what you need to do will become obvious as surgery and treatment progresses and needs change.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. Remember that we are always here for you both.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine,

I appreciate your response on this forum. So thank you for returning my question.  

I can't be very clear with the exact answer as of yet with regards to the stage of the disease as we're still awaiting some confirmation when the treatment plan comes into place, however at current I believe we are dealing with primary breast cancer?
 

My biggest fear is it spreading, I guess the patient may well feel the same! If this hasn't already been the case, further scans will determine this I imagine, hence why the ct and mri scans have been ordered?

thank you for that advice,  I genuinly am trying to be there for them! I'm just not sure I'm right, I think I'm intruding too much and should let them share information when they feel ready rather than constantly question them? Do you have any advice from this aspect, should I leave them be and give them time, or, do you think they would prefer me to try learn more about the subject? 

At the moment all that's been said is do not Google! Every case is different and we will have reassurance and answers when they next meet the team. 

I will admit I'm scared, aren't we all when we hear the word cancer? 
 
Anyway thanks again and best wishes to you! X

Hi Stardust,

Anyone who has a cancer diagnosis fears spreading and reoccurrence. Unfortunately, this is something that we have to learn to live with, as we cannot let this overshadow our lives. I have had two bouts of breast cancer and I found it hard to come to terms with the possibility of it recurring again. However, that was 13 years ago and I still lead a busy and fulfilling life.  As I said before, your friend is still the same person as she's always been. If you feel that you might be intruding too much, just ask her.  Be realistic about her outlook once you know it, but don't be over sympathetic - try to put a more positive slant on her outcome.

Does she have others to lean on for support or are you the only one? It is great to have someone who we can confide our worst fears to. Does she have anyone to accompany her to hospital appointments? This can be a great help, as we tend to forget 80% of what is said in a consultation, before we leave the hospital gates. 

I am sure that she would be most appreciative if you were to take the time to learn a little about her type and grade of breast cancer, once she knows it.

You should soon know more, once the CT and MRI scans are carried out. 

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Good evening,

Thank you for returning my message again! 

I'm sorry to hear you've experienced the same awful disease too. I'm glad you're still managing to fight and live life that's positive. 

If possible could you expand on what you mean by a positive slant once we know the full details of diagnosis? 

would it be wrong to treat her just now to a spa day together or something like an afternoon tea? I really want to be with her as much as I can! ️

Yes, there is a nice supportive network at home, so that's positive. I'm going to accompany her to scans then she has other supoort arranged for her main treatment plan appointment. 

can I ask, why do they do all these scans? Is it just to determine what grade etc the cancer is and what best treatment to put into place. 

Hi Stardust,

It's a great idea to treat her to a spa day, afternoon tea, theatre, film - anything to take her mind off the cancer. Just make sure that she is willing to go, before you book anything. Anxiety and depression are often part of this disease, so sometimes we just want to wallow at home. However, it does us good to get out.

I didn't express myself very well with the 'positive slant'. What I meant was to try and find positive thoughts, when she is possibly only looking at negative ones. At the same time, you can't be over positive, or this is likely to annoy her. It's difficult to strike the happy medium, where you are prepared to consider the negatives, but not to dwell solely on them. None of us like to tell family and friends of our diagnosis, but the more positive we can sound about it when we do so, the better they seem to cope. If we are all doom and gloom when we tell them, then we get all the pitying looks and awkwardness.

I must stress that I am not a doctor, but as far as I understand, there are a number of different reasons for scans. The 3 initial ones are mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy. If things don't look as clear as they might be after these, then additional scans may be needed. Some cancers don't show up that well on mammogram or ultrasound and may need additional scans. Sometimes, they like to look at the breast from different angles or with magnification, or to examine certain areas of the breast in greater detail. An MRI produces a series of images of the inside of the breast, whereas a CT scan uses detailed pictures across the body (Breast Cancer Care).

All of these help the care team to get a clearer picture of what they are dealing with and to target the condition with the optimum treatment.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx