Hello Hisgirl

I'm so very sorry to hear how you're relationship with your husband has changed since his cancer diagnosis. I know that we've had members post here on the forum previously who have been through similar experiences and hopefully some of them will see your post and reply to share their support and advice. 

I don't know from your post what support you have in terms of family and friends. Please do reach out to those around you for support. Regardless of your husband's diagnosis, it's important that you take care of yourself as well, and pretending that all is well when it's not will only leave you unwell. 

If you don't feel able to talk to family or friends right now then you can talk with your GP or alternatively you may want to chat things through with a counselling service such as Relate. They do offer counselling services to individuals as well as couples so if this is something you want to explore on your own before talking with your husband then that is an option for you. 

I know that this is a really difficult time for you. You've taken a big first step in admitting that there is a problem in your relationship and that you, as an individual, are struggling. Don't be afraid to continue seeking the help you need so that you can make steps to improve things. 

Sending you my best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator 

Hi,

I am not making excuses for him, but it sounds like he's lashing out at the person nearest to him because he's scared of dying.

Given the number of similar posts on here over the years, this situation isn't as rare as you might think. He has no right to make your life a misery. 

Tell him how you feel about not moving back into the city and about his self-centred attitude which is surely not how he would wish to be remembered. 
 

Best wishes

Dave

Hi Dave, thanks for your kind words. 
I think he is scared of dying, but he also told me this afternoon that he no longer wants to live in our house. We have lived here for 25 years. 
he said that he is moving and if I don't want to he will do it on his own. 

I have no idea what I'm going to do. 
he seems to think that I am the one who is stopping him from moving on. 
what a mess. Xx

I hope it works out.

Hi there, my husband died January this year and he was all over the place when he knew it was nearing the end of his life.  Its so hard but honestly the more you contribute to his new plans the more he will involve you.  Just tell him to do what he thinks is best for him, he's a grown man lashing out at the closest person and unfortunately it's always the partners.  Of course he loved you, he maybe thinks by being unkind you'll forget him more easily but these barbs are how he is controlling the situation.  In the end when Norman was being horrible to me I just left him alone otherwise it became a battle as to who would win.  Three days before he died the nurses wanted him to have palliative care in a hospice as he was so ill and only had me to help, he accused me of throwing him out of his own home, that hurt badly but think how you would feel knowing that you were going to die.  I hope this helps a little bit but it's not going to be easy.  Thinking of you both in this awful time.  Carol x 

Thank you, Carol. 
He blows hot and cold and I never know where I am. When he is upset he tells me that he doesn't know anything. He has told me that he is frightened but I don't know what to say. 
I have suggested some ideas for where we are living and I think he's pleased that I will even think about it - though not a city flat- I would like to stay where I know.

I'm no sorry that things were so bad for you  

thank you for taking the time to contact me  

Best wishes  

Hisgirl  xx